Can I bet the point spread?
Before we get to the real point of this post, let me say that I watched the final presidential debate tonight and I'm tired of hearing about Joe Plumber. First we get the folksy "Joe SixPack," and now we get some actual guy named Joe who is an actual plumber. It's really the same guy, fictional or real. Seriously, do you think that there is a plumber named Joe who doesn't drink? McCain invoked Joe's name about a thousand times during the debate. Ok, "thousand" might be an exaggeration.
I lost count because I was also reading music writer Chuck Klosterman's first novel, "Downtown Owl" at the same time.
Anywho, Joe Plumber is not "Main St." America in that plumbers make good money. They work hard for it, don't get me wrong. But they generally make more than teachers. And often more than policemen. So let me say this: FUCK JOE PLUMBER AND FUCK JOE SIXPACK!
And if you think you are a "Joe Sixpack," well, put down the beer and try to do something useful on your off-time. Like not beating your wife. (Unless your name is Todd.)
Ok. Now the real post.
This election has the potential for lots of chaos no matter who wins. It's almost like we're voting for someone who will lead the country for, oh, a few days. Cause there are a lot of idiots in this country. Don't even act like you don't believe that. Let's take a look at the possibilities:
OBAMA/BIDEN VICTORY:
1. Obama wins. Some redneck racist shoots him. Joe Biden, White-guy, is now President.
2. Radical Black-guy decides to shoot White-guy Joe Biden in retaliation. (It doesn't matter that Biden is down with Obama and his policies and would try to carry on with the plan.) So now the secretary of state or the White House receptionist is President. Hey, I haven't memorized secession protocol! I think Nancy Pelosi would be in there somewhere. Followed by Hannah Montana and that gay guy from the Food Channel. And then the winner of Big Brother. Followed by the Speaker of the House and then The Fonz.
MCCAIN/PALIN VICTORY:
1. McCain dies of heart attack. Or some other old guy thingee. Sarah Palin is now President. She meets with lots of Arab guys who come on to her. Her jealous redneck husband Todd assassinates a foreign head of state. From a helicopter. World War 4 breaks out.
2. McCain is shot by some radical lesbian who wants to see a woman become President. Although it's a national tragedy, Sarah Palin still tries to mend fences by going down on Tina Fey. Country takes a day to jack off.
3. McCain dies in some form or fashion. Hey, he's getting to that age! Sarah Palin becomes President. Her now ex-husband Todd shoots her. The video ends up on an episode of "Cops," during which at no point is Todd actually wearing a shirt.
Before we get to the real point of this post, let me say that I watched the final presidential debate tonight and I'm tired of hearing about Joe Plumber. First we get the folksy "Joe SixPack," and now we get some actual guy named Joe who is an actual plumber. It's really the same guy, fictional or real. Seriously, do you think that there is a plumber named Joe who doesn't drink? McCain invoked Joe's name about a thousand times during the debate. Ok, "thousand" might be an exaggeration.
I lost count because I was also reading music writer Chuck Klosterman's first novel, "Downtown Owl" at the same time.
Anywho, Joe Plumber is not "Main St." America in that plumbers make good money. They work hard for it, don't get me wrong. But they generally make more than teachers. And often more than policemen. So let me say this: FUCK JOE PLUMBER AND FUCK JOE SIXPACK!
And if you think you are a "Joe Sixpack," well, put down the beer and try to do something useful on your off-time. Like not beating your wife. (Unless your name is Todd.)
Ok. Now the real post.
This election has the potential for lots of chaos no matter who wins. It's almost like we're voting for someone who will lead the country for, oh, a few days. Cause there are a lot of idiots in this country. Don't even act like you don't believe that. Let's take a look at the possibilities:
OBAMA/BIDEN VICTORY:
1. Obama wins. Some redneck racist shoots him. Joe Biden, White-guy, is now President.
2. Radical Black-guy decides to shoot White-guy Joe Biden in retaliation. (It doesn't matter that Biden is down with Obama and his policies and would try to carry on with the plan.) So now the secretary of state or the White House receptionist is President. Hey, I haven't memorized secession protocol! I think Nancy Pelosi would be in there somewhere. Followed by Hannah Montana and that gay guy from the Food Channel. And then the winner of Big Brother. Followed by the Speaker of the House and then The Fonz.
MCCAIN/PALIN VICTORY:
1. McCain dies of heart attack. Or some other old guy thingee. Sarah Palin is now President. She meets with lots of Arab guys who come on to her. Her jealous redneck husband Todd assassinates a foreign head of state. From a helicopter. World War 4 breaks out.
2. McCain is shot by some radical lesbian who wants to see a woman become President. Although it's a national tragedy, Sarah Palin still tries to mend fences by going down on Tina Fey. Country takes a day to jack off.
3. McCain dies in some form or fashion. Hey, he's getting to that age! Sarah Palin becomes President. Her now ex-husband Todd shoots her. The video ends up on an episode of "Cops," during which at no point is Todd actually wearing a shirt.
Thank you so much.