last night was interesting. me actng like a hooligan as i often do at mutiny..latley ive been stressed and i think i might be in dire threat of becoming an asshole. i mean ive been really stressed latley wit hthe dj thing next week,and i dont smoke weed anymore,drinking does not help..and lets face it i dont really have sex anymore either..i havent really tried,and if anything ive been avoiding it.so my outlets are a bit out right now.
that is one thing that worries me tho,used to be i always need love and affection,i needed a woman in my life all the time,and now i really could give a shit less...and thats what really scares me..i dont think thats a good thing.most of the time when i dont have love in my life i'm filled wit hhate instead,and i gotta admit,after the traffic ticket and money shortage(thanks to gas at 4. a gallon)ive really wanted to beat the living bloody fuck outta someone just to blow off steam..a part of me i generally save for the phrat boys in my local who have a mouth on em. ive gotten to the point where i really dont care what people think either,i used to but at this point it took years to figure out who i am as a person,i could really care less what anyone outside of my acutal friend group thinks..i know who i am,and what im capable of in life,most people still dont..so its hell week coming up. not only am i mixing,but also doing effex and tricks on equipment ive never touched or used before,and its quite different than mine..and i have to do it efficiently(cd decks)sarah vains is actually the standard..most good djs who are on a budget get what she has,those are the best mp3 name brand capable cd decks on the market for the price..anything else is another 100$-200$ more per deck..all i did was study equiment and reviews since i started djing..so id be good for me to learn how to use em..but this is also my chance to show everybody what i can do,and still keep it simple enough so i dont confuse the poor peoples..theres a big difference between rave syle,and club style mixing..and i have to keep it to a point where its not too different or ittle annoy people..so we'll see
that is one thing that worries me tho,used to be i always need love and affection,i needed a woman in my life all the time,and now i really could give a shit less...and thats what really scares me..i dont think thats a good thing.most of the time when i dont have love in my life i'm filled wit hhate instead,and i gotta admit,after the traffic ticket and money shortage(thanks to gas at 4. a gallon)ive really wanted to beat the living bloody fuck outta someone just to blow off steam..a part of me i generally save for the phrat boys in my local who have a mouth on em. ive gotten to the point where i really dont care what people think either,i used to but at this point it took years to figure out who i am as a person,i could really care less what anyone outside of my acutal friend group thinks..i know who i am,and what im capable of in life,most people still dont..so its hell week coming up. not only am i mixing,but also doing effex and tricks on equipment ive never touched or used before,and its quite different than mine..and i have to do it efficiently(cd decks)sarah vains is actually the standard..most good djs who are on a budget get what she has,those are the best mp3 name brand capable cd decks on the market for the price..anything else is another 100$-200$ more per deck..all i did was study equiment and reviews since i started djing..so id be good for me to learn how to use em..but this is also my chance to show everybody what i can do,and still keep it simple enough so i dont confuse the poor peoples..theres a big difference between rave syle,and club style mixing..and i have to keep it to a point where its not too different or ittle annoy people..so we'll see