I need to get out. Go outside. Go for a run. Something. Everything seems so constrained and ritualistic. Work. School. Homework. Reading. Eating. Sleeping. Hygiene. Repetition. I think I'm losing focus here.
The knowledge I am gaining is comforting, yes. But I feel like I'm doing everything with my eyes out of focus. I can see general shapes and I can recognize what they are without having to focus in on them. Not to suggest that I am only going through the motions. There is something nagging at me that I can't quite put my finger on. It is difficult to say precisely what is doing it. My guess is that I'm neglecting something significant.
Maybe I'm taking my education for granted, or looking at it as some way of validating myself. That's probably not very healthy in the long run. I just want to know how to really appreciate things.
Whatever I do, though, it seems I still do it to excess. Too much energy on one thing will detract from other equally important things. Maybe I could use a stopwatch and keep a journal of how much time I spend doing certain things each day. I bet that would really fuck me up. Obviously I wouldn't get too crazy
I am curious about the gist, that would help me really understand how I'm spending the one most valuable, irreplaceable commodity: time.
I'm not even going to get into a tangential physics debate about time, just so I can play devil's advocate WITH MYSELF, just for the amusement of it only to end in absolute stalement producing no point or insight. Not a shred of point to that.
PS I have bad circulation so AS SOON as the summer weather goes away my fingers and toes get icy cold very easy. I fucking hate it. Finger movement is impaired. I have a harder time typing. Gah.
The knowledge I am gaining is comforting, yes. But I feel like I'm doing everything with my eyes out of focus. I can see general shapes and I can recognize what they are without having to focus in on them. Not to suggest that I am only going through the motions. There is something nagging at me that I can't quite put my finger on. It is difficult to say precisely what is doing it. My guess is that I'm neglecting something significant.
Maybe I'm taking my education for granted, or looking at it as some way of validating myself. That's probably not very healthy in the long run. I just want to know how to really appreciate things.
Whatever I do, though, it seems I still do it to excess. Too much energy on one thing will detract from other equally important things. Maybe I could use a stopwatch and keep a journal of how much time I spend doing certain things each day. I bet that would really fuck me up. Obviously I wouldn't get too crazy
I am curious about the gist, that would help me really understand how I'm spending the one most valuable, irreplaceable commodity: time.
I'm not even going to get into a tangential physics debate about time, just so I can play devil's advocate WITH MYSELF, just for the amusement of it only to end in absolute stalement producing no point or insight. Not a shred of point to that.
PS I have bad circulation so AS SOON as the summer weather goes away my fingers and toes get icy cold very easy. I fucking hate it. Finger movement is impaired. I have a harder time typing. Gah.
Stop worrying.
Concern yourself with averages. Over a month -- do you wind up at the end where you wanted to have found yourself. Are you stagnant in ways that are inexcusable, etc. Then maybe you should reevaluate what owned you in that month. But not in a day -- dear Lord. Time is the ultimate mindfucker, and it does not screw gently.
My hands and feet and face fall asleep as a side effect of my medication. Sometimes other various [but always symmetrical] extremities, like elbows or just pinkies or backs of knees or calves. But the coldness [and thus restriction of movement] is fuckin' awkward. The slow typing. Lol. I get it with texting -- dumbfingers.
How about when you're outside and your face freezes and you can't make words. That's .. the worst. :/ I change what I want to say; condense it into less words, just to get there faster because I feel so stupid.