dexter

The music lover is always the musician.

I had a moment of pride in myself and recognition of what I could have been. Watching someone mix meds, marijuana, and alcohol will do just that. I could be in Colorado-a place I once referred to as 'back home'-smoking and drinking my life away, hooking up with the flavor of the week, and trying to sleep at night knowing how much I hate that lifestyle, telling myself 'no more, no more', knowing I'd wake up the next day and do it all over again. For now, I am ignoring the disgusting run-on, grammatically incorrect sentence I just wrote, and appreciating the life I currently lead. When I tell myself that it's time to get my shit together, I actually act upon it, now. For now, I'm listening to the song that i plan on walking down the aisle to, having deep conversations with people whom I love. I know that I no longer have a substance abuse problem, which makes me very happy and proud. I will never regrets the things and people I did, nor the decisions I made. If it weren't for those moments, I wouldn't be here, with Chris, an awesome job, and amazing friends. For now, my next goal is to save up for a new car and donate mine. We'll see how that goes.