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so i sit here now looking back on variables that can not be changed. i sit here and question whether you ever truly loved me, not that you didnt care, but wondering if you ever felt for me as i you. in the very end i may as well have pulled my own plug. its almost laughable now as i recall our conversation. i sat there and listened to what you were asking, and like a fool, i said yes,,, i love you,,,i really do,,,,,goodbye. a minute ago was three years past yesterday as i think about it now. ive tried to remove you from my thoughts, and all i have succeeded in doing was further removing pieces of myself. i remember you asked me once how i knew, im sure i replied with what i thought was correct, but not untill i packed you up did i realize how empty i now am, how full i was before. still it is humorous to me, for if we can not laugh we are also unable to cry, aaahhhh and see im off daydraming of you and totally forgot what i thought was humorous. so what do i do now huh? simple ill sit here and type in a nice safe journal that no one will read, and in doing so i will be able to get out whats killing me inside. is it better to have loved and died, or lost and lived? for the first time in my life im lost.