This week has been very emotional for me, but hear me out.

27

September 29th is the birthday of the person I promised my future to. Yesterday was the anniversary of his death and his best friends birthday. The day before yesterday I had the courage to confront my demons in what I was lead to believe was a safe environment. Yesterday night through to this morning I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. I won't go into detail because it's still fresh and a very sensitive subject. It is for the best. He was really cool about it too and he's not kicking me out which is golden of him. We love each other as best friends but there were just things I couldn't look past as a girlfriend but as best friends we are perfect. I'm going to cherish it until it ends because I have so much anxiety about losing people that I love.

I was supposed to take said best friend of thine I promised my future, out to eat tonight to celebrate but plans fell through last minute so I texted my now ex that he didn't show and if I could join him at buffalo wild wings and watch the red wings game with him, without hesitation he said yes. I went and we had an amazing time.

I'm not sure how long this will last but so far it's pretty great. I miss loving him like a boyfriend already and it's not fair.

I love being a part of this community because I never feel alone. Some of the girls I've met on here have just been undeniably the most supportive women I've ever had the luck to meet. I am not going to lie to you, I think about death everyday and I have since before I was in grade school but I love spreading happiness and love because I know how much of an impact it makes when someone spreads love to me. I know I'm probably going to get alot of shit for it but just know that if I killed myself, I would never be forgiven and I'm aware of all the people that do love me and give value to my life. The possibility of my self demise is slim to none. So DON'T WORRY.

My depression is temporarily in the spotlight. I have a plan to eat better food that helps produce natural serotonin, put a pause on dating so I can get my priorities and life values straightened out, keep busting my ass at work and on my sculptures and just keep spreading love like it's the something everyone longs for. Because they do.

I love you because you're still reading. I love you because you are you or are trying to be the best you you can be. I'm here to tell you that I'm proud as fuck of you for keeping your shit together when someone is leaning on you when they need you instead of you needing them. I'm so heckin proud of you because you shared a compliment with a stranger to make them smile. I'm the most proud of you for not letting the weight of the world crush your party. Your life isn't easy, you have problems that can't be solved so you sit there thinking day to day how you are going to live with these problems occasionally to the point where you're nauseous. I'm proud of you for not letting the general negativity in your life determine how you treat others. I am a proud panda because you know that you aren't entitled to tomorrow so you try your hardest to be happy everyday.

I love you.

Thank you for reading and making me feel important (:

Dame Suicide

XOXO

VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
stoneart:
🖤🖤🖤🖤
silentobjectorx:
@dame  Hi there.  You haven't met me yet here on SG.  I would like to say that this blog entry is superb and it resonates with me on a lot of levels.  I applaud your ability to see through the "haze" that depression and anxiety create and also, your ability to push through said problems to come out the other side better for it.  Again, I just found your page by chance and was immediately drawn to this entry.  It's a brilliant and wonderful admission of things that most people won't talk about or shy away from.  I'm very cavalier online and very outgoing irl too but in the past six years or so I went through a lot of the same things with depression and anxiety.  It got to the point where it was seriously crippling my social life and even effecting my friends in adverse and unintentional ways.  Thank you for posting this entry as it does make more people including myself, feel less alone in their mental health struggles/issues.  I'm now following your page and you've made a new fan out of me not only because you are a beautiful person but because you have the courage and the intellect to see what's affecting you and do something about it.  I applaud you for your honesty and your bravery in posting this.  As I said, most would either just not talk about these issues or turn and run at the prospect of posting this.  Much respect and I know you'll eventually find yourself in your time and be all the better off for it.

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