So last year right around this time I messed up my right shoulder. I’ve dislocated it many, and I do mean many times before. However, this last one was the straw that broke the Brandon’s shoulder...
Anyway, 2 months go by before I get the operation... Cuz Army...
The day of the operation I got to the Klinikum Weiden (Weiden hospital for those that don’t speak German) and go up to my room, strip down to some hospital issued mesh undies, and the standard hospital gown. Get the IV line, and wheeled down to the OR. Get the gas, count back from 10. I only got to 7, and then it was lights out...
I wake up 3 hours later with tremendous pain in my shoulder, neck, and oddly enough my foot... As I’m lying in the bed in my room I call the nurse in and ask if she can check my foot as it was hurting. She lifts up the blanket and gasps... (Not a good sign) as the bottom of my foot is cut badly and bleeding all over the bed.
Fast forward about 4 hours and it is hot as hell in my room. I’m in the fifth floor of the hospital, and if any of you have ever been to Germany can attest. They don’t have Air Conditioning here. So I want to take off the covers but I have a roommate, and his family ( wife and 3 kids) are in and out of the room all damn day.
So one of the times when they have all left to get get some food from the shop on the first floor, I page in the nurse to ask if I can please change into my shorts I have in my bag.
I explain to her that I am burning up, but don’t want to just take off the covers as I am only wearing the mesh undies that literally hide nothing... like you would see all my business on display if I took off the covers.
She says of course, and gets them out of my bag for me then offers to help me change. So I hobble my way to the bathroom. Bare in mind, foot sliced open somehow, in a sling, and have a drainage catheter bag coming out of my back too. Suffice it to say I’m a hot mess at this point. Oh yeah, I’m also walking around practically naked next to easily the hottest nurse in all of Germany!!!
So she helps my keep my balance in the bathroom as I take off the mesh. I then bashfully ask if she can assist putting my shorts on as well. To which she of course says yes.
So in goes one foot, then the other. At which point she pulls my shorts up for me, and while she does. Her hand knocks my junk upwards and due to her being knelt down to help and was pretty close (I’m not that hung, so definitely not bragging when I say this next part) it almost hits her in the face!!!!
to which I immediately apologized, and tried to think really hard about baseball!!! Catch my drift??? Super hot/beautiful nurse, hand just touched my junk, and was very close to her face/mouth. I was so damn embarrassed... but also obviously turned on.
The worst part of it all was telling my wife what happened. I thought she was gonna flip out. You wanna know what my wife’s response was???
“Well shit, next time see if she’ll do more than just touch it...”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
