cyberiouse

Well the drama seems to be over. I hate it. I did not want this drama in my life. I tried to fix it outside of SG but the other person chose to let it all on here. It then moved INTO SGC which is a big no no. If anyone is wondering it was not me who brought it into SGC. In fact the drama is why i had not been active or commenting or messaging on the group for a while because i did not want the drama to start in there too.
I will be staying on SG i sadly lost a few friends in the drama but none of them were good friends just people i had met or talked to once or twice. I made quite a few good friends through the group and several of them stood up for me when all hell broke lose. I thank them for that. They know who they are
The person who had started the drama has now left the site. This is the main reason i am choosing to stay on SG. If she had stayed i would have probably left for fear of her continuing to cause problems for me on the site.
Other than that i have applied for WAY to many jobs in the last few weeks and NO ONE has called me back. I have alot of good history in different jobs so i don't know why i cant get anything. I also applied for a few jobs that aren't my normal fair of jobs but if i get them it will be a step up for me in my opinion. I don't want to talk about it here cause it will get my hopes up but i am crossing my fingers i get it.
Thanksgiving is coming up.... and me and my mom are spending it alone. We don't talk to the rest of the family anymore. Largely because of a HUGE fight i had with my aunt cindy (who's house its at this year) in her car and i litterally got out of her moving car to get away from it. My aunt always putsme down and makes me feel like shit. I have always had depression problems. Its like a battle every day. I was talking to several friends last night on yahoo and i talked to.TNTkatie on the phone for liike an hour about it and i have come to realise that i need to learn to love myself. I just can't seem to let myself do it. I always find the negative in every situation with my life no matter what it is. I try to keep positive but every time i start to something happens either in life or in my thoughts that reminds me of something negative in myself. TNT came up with the idea to start a personal journal to write out and work out my thoughts. To look at the positives and negatives about myself.... i want to do it but i am scared to.......... i dont know what to do. the drama this week and the things that happened because of it have made it rough......

edit/addition: I need to make something of my life... I'm 27 and i have almost nothing to show for it. I know the only time i am happy is when i can make other people smile. I have wanted to go into therapy for a whilenow but i have alwaysbeen to scared to go. I'm scared now cause I'm almost 27 and i don't want to end up 1 being in school till I'm in my late 30s or anything and 2 i have to many friends that went to college and were unable to finish and are now like 50,000 in debt with little to show for it. I'm scared that all that and more will happen. I'm scared i wont like it and do bad i hated high school and did bad and barely graduated cause while i knew everything i refused to do the homework.... i don't know what to do..... i dont know where to start. I'm scared...... thinking about this always scares the shit out of me. I have made so many WRONG choices... made so many mistakes in life that i don't want this to be another one.