I may just be the biggest idiot in the world.
I am sure my non-existent readers are wondering what I mean.... or maybe my pretend friends are thinking "you just figured that out?" Anyway if I had readers I would be looking for some advice right here..... but since I don't I am just going to write and hope it relieves some anxiety.
When I last wrote I had confessed that I was hanging out Saturday night with this girl I have a crush on. I was so convinced that I had no chance with this girl by the time I got there that I failed to realize I was staring at my chance. See usually my roommate is around to kind of get me mentally ready for my outings but he was off running about with a friend and I was sitting around for hours waiting to meet up with this girl. While waiting (or pacing) in my house I was trying to think of how to see if my crush was something I should bear in silence or if it was something I should try to pursue. My ultimate decision was that she was not interested, mainly because I have self esteem issues. So anyway we met downtown and had some food..... When I saw her I did a double take because she was wearing this sexy little black dress and heels and I had rolled up in shorts and sandals. I had dressed up a lot compared to my normal standards considering I was wearing a polo shirt. I was confused by the dress she wore and then just decided it was what she wore to go out because I was viewing this incident through my "she couldn't be interested in me" glasses. Then she seemed really happy to hang out and wanted me to do karaoke and kept saying "I want you to sing a song for me" and the entire time I was thinking "there is no way she is interested". So I let her pay when she insisted which I would not have if I thought I had a chance. I did that even knowing she had complained about a guy she went out with letting her pay and she didn't think he was that interested...... yeah.
So I told my friend about the night and he said "Dude that was a date." To which I said "Really?" He then painstakingly pointed out everything I missed.... things I had pointed out to him one night when he met a girl and had "relations" with her. If I had not pushed him a bit he would have let her go home. I had no backup of course and I am an idiot so I screwed the pooch. My only response was "Then I fucked up big time and I am not sure I will get a chance to recover."
Anyway I have talked to her today and she seemed to be in a hurry to get me off the phone which was different then any other conversation we had before. She claimed to be busy but I just don't know for sure. So I guess I just need to continue to put in work and maybe I can manufacture a second chance....
Damn it!
Oh and my car is all f'd and I am dropping 6 bills to get it fixed.
FUCK AUGUST!!!!!!!!
I am sure my non-existent readers are wondering what I mean.... or maybe my pretend friends are thinking "you just figured that out?" Anyway if I had readers I would be looking for some advice right here..... but since I don't I am just going to write and hope it relieves some anxiety.
When I last wrote I had confessed that I was hanging out Saturday night with this girl I have a crush on. I was so convinced that I had no chance with this girl by the time I got there that I failed to realize I was staring at my chance. See usually my roommate is around to kind of get me mentally ready for my outings but he was off running about with a friend and I was sitting around for hours waiting to meet up with this girl. While waiting (or pacing) in my house I was trying to think of how to see if my crush was something I should bear in silence or if it was something I should try to pursue. My ultimate decision was that she was not interested, mainly because I have self esteem issues. So anyway we met downtown and had some food..... When I saw her I did a double take because she was wearing this sexy little black dress and heels and I had rolled up in shorts and sandals. I had dressed up a lot compared to my normal standards considering I was wearing a polo shirt. I was confused by the dress she wore and then just decided it was what she wore to go out because I was viewing this incident through my "she couldn't be interested in me" glasses. Then she seemed really happy to hang out and wanted me to do karaoke and kept saying "I want you to sing a song for me" and the entire time I was thinking "there is no way she is interested". So I let her pay when she insisted which I would not have if I thought I had a chance. I did that even knowing she had complained about a guy she went out with letting her pay and she didn't think he was that interested...... yeah.
So I told my friend about the night and he said "Dude that was a date." To which I said "Really?" He then painstakingly pointed out everything I missed.... things I had pointed out to him one night when he met a girl and had "relations" with her. If I had not pushed him a bit he would have let her go home. I had no backup of course and I am an idiot so I screwed the pooch. My only response was "Then I fucked up big time and I am not sure I will get a chance to recover."
Anyway I have talked to her today and she seemed to be in a hurry to get me off the phone which was different then any other conversation we had before. She claimed to be busy but I just don't know for sure. So I guess I just need to continue to put in work and maybe I can manufacture a second chance....
Damn it!
Oh and my car is all f'd and I am dropping 6 bills to get it fixed.
FUCK AUGUST!!!!!!!!
_ghost:
everyone thinks im a geek for liking buffy too. and for watching it for hours and hours everynight! my best friend just bought me a mutant enemy shirt! grrr argh! im onto season 7 atm, i dont want it to end all over again. but then there is always the comic book!