My shootfest in Brisbane is in a few days. I haven't been on a plane in YEARS so it's going to be weird. I'm not excited about it yet. I've been so busy organizing deposits, double checking run sheets of who's shooting who when, and sending emails to all the models, that I've hardly had time to think. I'm probably shooting while I'm away (with @kyla... and @exkyu of course). It will be good. This is the third big shootfest I've been right in the thick of. They run like clockwork now and I know exactly what to expect. This one has six photographers and about thirty-three girls (sixty sets). I guess I'll be excited once I'm on the plane and it's all happening. Right now it's just admin.
I have blogged all about this shootfest before, but if you missed that post it's right here with all the details on how it works and what it's like. Definitely a pretty full-on experience, but one that's very rewarding. It's amazing meeting so many different women from all over the country. Learning about their lives and the way they think. We're all so different, but SG brings us together. It's powerful, in a way. I have so many friends that are so different to me because of this site.
I've read about a phenomenon called confirmation bias where if you only talk about, say, politics, with other like-minded people, you tend to forget there are other opinions out there. You become more and more set in your ways. It's radicalization. Insidious, and pervasive. So much so, that you don't even realize it's happening. Especially with the internet being so interest-group focused. In some ways, SG increases my confirmation bias. I forget that there are women out there that think there bodies are 'dirty' and need to be covered up. That people out there think that tattoos mean promiscuity and drugs. But at the same time, I think that SG, specifically the big shootfests and the annual member's ball, puts me in contact with so many different women (and guys too) from all around Australia that overall, it's good for me. It's always quite eye-opening to, say, bitch about water restrictions to someone from Broken Hill, talk forestry with someone from Tasmania, and complain about the heat to someone from Far North Queensland. We all have our own experiences. It's the boobs that bring us all together, I suppose.
Speaking of...
The last few weeks have been busy for me. As some of you already know, I'm in the process of house-hunting. To buy. Because I'm a fucking grownup and turns out with interest rates the way they are I can actually afford the repayments on a halfway-decent structure. It's making me re-assess my life a little bit. Call it a mid-youth crisis or something. I've had the realization that my days of photoshoots and clubs are probably numbered. That I should be focusing on things that are more lasting. More real. I don't know, I'm in a strange place this week. I want permanence. Which is ridiculous because permanence is a fucking illusion that we use to lie to ourselves. And yet, I really need it. Something real and true. I think a house will satisfy that. A place of my own that I can take a hammer to and make BETTER.
This week has been a bad one for my anxiety. I know the anxiety I experience is a walk in the park compared to some people, but these past few days, I have almost felt like I did when I was back at university. Yuck. In a fresh attempt to wrangle my own brain into some form of order, I've gone and done some revision mindfulness meditation. It's been really good. I do a quick five minute guided 'relaxation meditation' thing every day at noon (there's an alarm on my phone to remind me). I've just been tacking an extra five minutes of mindfulness to the end of that. I've always been terrible at it, but it's something I've found really incredible for me. Especially when you struggle living in your own head. Anyway, if you're interested in learning more than you ever cared to know about your own brain, go check out Zencast and let Gil Fronsdal show you the way.
I'm supposed to be working on my novel right now. I have Scrivener open and everything. I ought to get back to it because by the looks of this blog I'm rather verbose this evening. The next blog I write will be after the Brisbane shootfest, so get ready for lots of nudity and a lot less rumination. In the meantime, go check out my new set The Persistence of Memory. It's sitting pretty on two thousand likes right now, which is lovely. Thankyou if you left me a comment or clicked on the little loveheart.
Talk soon.
xx
