Yesterday morning, I was on the way up the hill to visit Chris and Angie, and I saw Silkie sitting at the bus stop, on her way to work. She had wet hair, and looked very winsome and sad. This is the first time Id laid eyes on her in a couple of months, but I can still read her energy and body language like a book.
My heart started racing and I got a little adrenaline rush. I ducked into a coffee shop before she could see me, and took advantage of the angle of the sun to hide behind the window glare. I watched her for several minutes, and then ordered her favorite drink from the barista.
Using mad n1nja skillz*, I crossed the street against the traffic, and got behind her field of vision. I crept into the bus-stop and without saying anything, sat down next to her. Bam! She startled, and when she saw it was me, I handed her the drink and hugged her. I told her I could tell she was down, and then without intending to I smooched her on the third eye and told her that I loved her, just like I would have said it when we were together.
She started in about why she was sad, but I realized very quickly that I didnt want to hear about her drama; it felt too much like being in her life, and that is a no-go. I told her that Id had two very vivid dreams featuring her son recently (true) and that I thought he needed a little more attention than normal right now.
Then I bounced the fuck out of there.
I recognized the situation, controlled it aggressively, dominated the energy, and gave a sad woman a tasty hot drink. Does this mean Im over her?
^That is an ironic smiley. She smelled so fucking good, I dont even know what to think. If the Baby Jesus could see me now, Hed probably clown my weepy ass.
-----
*I was actually taught how to sneak around by a jungle warfare expert. Knowing him, he would appreciate this application of his technique.
My heart started racing and I got a little adrenaline rush. I ducked into a coffee shop before she could see me, and took advantage of the angle of the sun to hide behind the window glare. I watched her for several minutes, and then ordered her favorite drink from the barista.
Using mad n1nja skillz*, I crossed the street against the traffic, and got behind her field of vision. I crept into the bus-stop and without saying anything, sat down next to her. Bam! She startled, and when she saw it was me, I handed her the drink and hugged her. I told her I could tell she was down, and then without intending to I smooched her on the third eye and told her that I loved her, just like I would have said it when we were together.
She started in about why she was sad, but I realized very quickly that I didnt want to hear about her drama; it felt too much like being in her life, and that is a no-go. I told her that Id had two very vivid dreams featuring her son recently (true) and that I thought he needed a little more attention than normal right now.
Then I bounced the fuck out of there.
I recognized the situation, controlled it aggressively, dominated the energy, and gave a sad woman a tasty hot drink. Does this mean Im over her?
^That is an ironic smiley. She smelled so fucking good, I dont even know what to think. If the Baby Jesus could see me now, Hed probably clown my weepy ass.
-----
*I was actually taught how to sneak around by a jungle warfare expert. Knowing him, he would appreciate this application of his technique.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
perrrfect.
we never got to meet pete, but we hung out and turns out the guy was the cinemiatographer on Blade Runner and his son is friends with Aaron Cometbus, played back up from Green Day and is part of the Gilman St. Project.
it's been almost two years since i met that guy. i still can't watch Blade Runner without feeling bad, cos when i walked him back to his flat he had no furniture, just hundreds of women's shoes, hundreds of empty wine bottles and ashtrays everywhere overflowing with cigarettes. i was twenty-two and he was forty something and i had to put him to bed cos he was just wasted, he was almost crying telling me about his son. so now that movie makes me sad.
i'd rather be a samuri than a ninja. all the cool kids want to be ninjas, but all the really cool people wanna be samuri. ideally- despite the attendent dishonor- i'd rather be a ronin, i already have the dishoner, mind as well try and get through the world with the skills of a samuri trying to regain my honor in some confusingly lost and heroic fashion, yes?
maybe.
i have badhead. meaning i can't always trust my perception of reality, anyway. i don't mean to say that i distrust what people tell me or shit like that, i mean i really can't trust my perception of reality, like something i see things that aren't exactly, well... there. so if i can't trust my perception of the world, and i can't trust my instincts(all the time, most of the time i can), and i can't believe what people tell me, because people are mostly liars and pimps and whores... where does that leave one? hence my current belief that the only things i trust and belive in are the things no more than five feet away from me that i can touch and hold and grip up on. it makes it hard to believe in love. i can't jump on top of love and smell it, taste it. i can't fistfight friendship or smack around trust. i can't put sympathy between my teeth and crunch on it for a while. i can't snort empathy. so i distrust these things. and i need to get back to real writing otherwise everyone on this site is going to get pages of journal posts like this from me.
and no one wants that, do they?