chaosmachine

Sheesh, what a year is has been, I know it's just middle November but going through this year in Iraq was different than another year at IU studying chemistry. I really believe that there is a total reality paradigm switch between here and being home. At times through the year I couldn't comprehend what life was like back In Indiana and at times I also couldn't imagine this deployment ever actually coming to an end. Whats more, I've always had plenty to say and being here doing what we do I've had plenty of time to sit and think about everything many times over along with trying to find what I wanted to for the rest of my life. In the course of this year I've gotten in better shape gotten out of shape and back in again. I've been blown up, shot at, been sprayed with uman waste, seen things that would gross out ER doctors and seen a culture drastically different than mine. I have 100's of pictures and these are just a glimpse of what has transpired in the year since I arrived in the Middle East. i've had my account here since 2003, when I first attended IU and had my first apt. Seems like it was only yesterday, your 20's are a period of life where 20 years of stimulation and experiences are condensed into 10, not to mention the time where you truly fill the mold you were cast from. Made many mistakes and as many friends. I'm nearly 25 and i don't know where the last 7 years went. Fuck, I've been in the military over years now and am sgt. I never would have guessed I'd be where I am now 8 years ago, let alone have tattoos or be in the military. It amazes me how fast time goes by when you aren't watching. As a kid I and I assume most other kids take for granted the time we have, as if every day was limbo and we never lost any time to play and only see today, tomorrow never existed just today. School was the inconvience that we suffered to get to our play time. As we went through our blissful formative years watching motnhs go by and winters come and go we never quite appreciate the time we are afforded. Like most things we only appreciate them when they are gone. We sit in our dark kitchen watching the clock tick past 2 a.m, drinking a over-poured whiskey and coke. Standing there, looking into the reflection of your face in the window over the sink, thinking to yourself so this is what I look like? And as you stad there gulping the poorly poured dirnk fast so the next one can be mixed better it occurs to you how right now, as you stand there you are watching more of your life pass by like the whiskey in the bottle on the counter. And you want to sieze the time and make it your instrument to wield but all you can do is find some rationalization. You look at the clock which has snuck past 2 and is tiptoing on 3:27 a.m. The buzz has done its job and you slop in aother drink and sharply rap the bottle on the counter in contempt as if time will think twice to pull any more tricks on you. The air seems to be thicker in the wee hours past midnight, as if every new day has to spread out all the air anew. The bottle is laying on its side in quite composure, happily empty but for a sip. Time might just be a bottle whiskey, un opened it's full of promise and expectation, when empty it leaves you with dull memories, a sense of loss and the only palpable evidence of it's existence is scattered in your brain, broken in pieces, like the whiskey bottle on your kitchen floor.