cfq

Tonight was very interesting.
Upon coming back to NJ I made the decision to slightly return to my squad where i volunteer, though my mother absolutely hates that i volunteered before since i made no money from it.
ANYWAYS, I did it mostly because they are helping me with me CPR card(i should expect it within a week, possibly by tomorrow, which is kick ass) and i will be able to work as an EMT now, since i will have this card. Really big help for my job hunting.
Anyways, Chad, the chief, asked me to come tonight for the extrication drill and i agreed to it, that way they can have their little meeting and whatnot. i didn't know they would feel a need to discuss my return, since i am technically still a member, though i'm referred to as an associate member, since i was away. this means, if i was here visiting, i could basically just jump on the ambulance like i never left and then go away. i didnt need to attend meetings or meet a quote for hours volunteered.
so, i arrive at the squad and only a few people are there. some seem excited to see me, others are like...ok, it's sheena. as people arrive, people who i considered my friends, it was kind of weird...like they weren't so happy to see me, but faking it. Nash, who is an awesome friend noted this too and asked if Shavon was mad at me. He was like, wow, I thought when 2 girls haven't seen each other for a long time, they talk a lot and catch-up, but i just got up, hugged her said hi and sat down.
i introduced myself to the new members that were there when the officers went to have their meeting and was told to stand outside the door because they would need to talk to me, though. so i get called in and they are like, well, you dont need to be approved cause you are an associate, i explained that i can't openly volunteer for them, or be on their beck and call like last time. this was understood, and i will help them as i am able to. like, i will be there for the next 2 monday nights 10-6. i made it clear that until i was able to start working and had a vehicle, i would probably barely be around. they accepted this.
so, they pair us up for the drill and they put me with 3 people...2 are new and know nothing, the other thinks he knows everything. i was stuck on an ambulance i was unfamiliar with even when i was active there. ha. so, we ran through it once and after wards matt, the asst chief, was telling us our errors, which were stupid things that would have been impossible if i had a crew that knew what to do. but he was looking at me and directing this at me. then he made a comment that i was fucked up in the head for moving the stretcher to a specific spot.
at this point, i was like, fuck this. i started screaming at him, he put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down and i just screamed in his face not to touch me. i got up and walked to the passenger seat of the ambulance and sat down. he then walked over and apologized for saying i was fucked up in the head. he has always been weird about phrasing and just so unsatisfied w his marriage that he acts like a douche. anyways, i told him that i was putting my home life out on the line for the squad since my mother hates this place so much. and i'm a god damned volunteer. if they didn't want to treat me like a human, i would leave. i wasn't going to put up with the bullshit and the stress, at all. he apologized a few more times and then asked if i would rejoin the drill.
so, we took out our patient again, let the firefighters cut up cars for much too long. i walked over to the other car where they were doing dash lifts cause Spencer(Fat Daddy, himself) was sitting in the driver's seat of the car, which at this point had the doors and the roof cut off of it...and he was leaned back in the seat trying to act like he was all cool....it was funny to watch...anyways....i went over to the support vehicle and chitchatted w steve, who couldnt do anything but sit and watch since his car accident. shavon was on the driver's side. so steve is telling me stories about going to a Washy Washy and I'm cheering up.
After the silly boys got tired of cutting up cars with big tools, we went in and ate the customary pizza and talked. we were discussing who could drive the ambulances if it was snowing, only a few people are since it is hard to drive one as is, add snow to it and it can be very hard...SO chad walks by and i ask him if i am still allowed to. he tells me i havent been in an ambulance long enough...
please...all night i kept hearing...well you went away, it's your fault you can't do this or that. or,
you've been away so long, you're rusty. or,
you may not remember how to do it, so we're going to make you take charge of this.

it's bullshit.
I turned to steve, next to me, and was like...fuck this shit, if i'm going to be treated like a fucking new member, and like i know nothing, i will fucking go to another squad. this is bullshit. i mean, really. i was the captain when i left. i have been in charge of EMS for our entire township, which also includes neighboring towns, when they have fires or need additional ambulances. and i'm being treated like a little kid. i've worked in worse weather than just some snow on the ground and traffic fullblast. and if chad wasn't looking, earlier, i was driving the one ambulance, and there was a light snow on the ground. i didnt fucking forget.
so, i snatched matt up(oddly, i can talk to the douchebag easier than chad) and told him my thoughts on this. and tried to make it clear if i can even drive the ambulance or not, because that'd just be fucked up.
anyways, we go back to the squad and i talk to a few people and then give steve a call, since he had asked if i would stop by and give him a back massage and he's pay me, since he was so sore from the accident.
i get there and sit and talk to his mom while he hobbles around. watch a little law and order with her. spencer calls and has to stop by for his coat. so steve and i are just sitting downstairs, my the door talking and waiting for spence.
he starts off with drama and stuff then he is like, did you hear chad screaming? i responded w no cause i had no clue what he was talking about. apparently, Will, Shavon's husband, who i have always had a little problem with in the past cause he is a fucking idiot and didn't like to take orders, was running his mouth to someone that it wasn't right that they allowed me back on the squad. Then he walked over to the support vehicle and was talking to Shavon through the window. Next thing steve knew, chad started screaming and cussing cause will had no right to talk about me and completely defended me and was kind of protective of me, which hearing is damn shocking. then spence arrives at the door and he starts talking about it, too. apparently, it was a huge thing that it was pulling the attn away from the ppl cutting and he was like, wow, he was fucking pissed at will. spencer also made me aware that shavon isn't happy that i am back on the squad, too. nice and fucked up. i think that is because i didn't come to her wedding, which she wanted me to be a part of since i was there for her when she had an unannounced baby, that she won't admit the father of, and was there for her when her ex was all stalker and whatnot. i think it is fucked up that she expected so much out of me and if i was able to be at her wedding, i would have been there at the drop of a hat.
so, now i'm feeling kind of if-y about being at the squad and wondering if this is worth it. i wanted to join, do what i enjoy and then go home, not be pulled into the drama. and i won't allow there to be any. they all cause enough for themselves. i like my life. i'm happy with my personal life and i don't want to go anywhere near theirs.
so yea, the night moved on, i gave steve his back massage, the told me about the wedding, why the date was moved, why they had to do this that and the other. who cheated on who, who is preggers, who is engaged, who is married...then he told me about an AWFUL call he had....omfg. it sounded like a movie.
it was called as a gunshot and ended up being someone he knew. shot 3 times in the chest and once in the arm and the man who did it was outside in the car. which was on fire. this guy had lit himself on fire and then shot himself. like....hardcore crazy shit in a movie. i swear to god. it's actually my friend's family that it was all around. i'm amazed no one told me before.
well, ya that was just about all of my night. other than i got to see the end of the eagles game and watched them fuck up. ha.
and steve and i watched Cheaters and some lady beat her b/f or husband who was cheating with her weave. that was when i was ensnared and had to watch the whole program. ahaha. i'm so corny. i know. it was a nice night, cause steve has always been like a best friend to me, he is someone who hates drama and just wants to make people laugh and we sat and talked about our lives since i was away, i told him how i was in looooooove . oh and steve also informed me that he thought about me recently when he was looking at pics on his phone and came across one of me sleeping in a bed at the squad with tissues stuck up my nose cause it was running. ha. i then had to see it and that included me going through about 150 pictures, that were just weird and random and hilarious. they also featured steve's 2 halloween costumes this past year, one was uncle fester, which was awesome, he shaved his head, did black circles and had crazy teeth. the other was before that....he was herbert the pervert and he had shaved just the top of his head, had a crazy weird wig around the sides and he looked sooooo creepy. he cracks me up.
he then told me he found out his best friend liked his butthole to be licked and stuff like that.
good ol jersey talk.
wow, i rambled.
i'm gonna go to bed.
my eyeballs are tired.