Remember, lot's of deep breaths. It will get easier soon-ish, but don't dwell on it. You will have this opportunity again, and you will be fabulous. Besides, now's the time to start learning how to put on makeup (and other things) so you can teach your daughter these things. Be very good to yourself.
sweet jesus, you were raped and you've never had the chance to talk about it with your mom. oh darling, i am so sorry. fuck, i don't know what else to say.....
i know you are feeling shitty about what you had to go through 2 weekends past, but it will eventually get better. not to say that you will forget, but you will start to not think about it everyday. in a couple of weeks, it'll be the 4th anniversay for me. it is so hard to believe that i could have had a 3-year-old clinging to me right now. very hard to fathom. but you'll soon come to terms with it and realize that it was for the best. i know that it doesn't make it hurt less now, but it WILL get better, i swear. and if the ease of your experience was any indication, i'm sure you'll be able to bear children in the future. nothing seemed to go wrong, so i don't think you have to worry about that.
again, i am sorry for all that you've gone through. *lots of hugs* but things will be better in the future. you have to believe that or else it'll destroy you. the future is all we have--and it is the only thing that we the power to shape. the horrible past is unfortunately not something we can fix, but if you surround yourself with love TODAY, you have the chance of having a wonderful future. always remember that. you deserve nothing less than love.
Seems we both have familial/mother issues, indeed.