wow, i had a much, much worse time than you did. first, we had to talk to all the counselors to mak sure this was what we wanted. I kept wanting to scream at them "NONONONONONO! I don't WANT to do this! What the fuck do you think?" Then they gave me some little pills to start dilating my cervix and then i had the most intense cramps i had ever felt in my life. i thought i was gonna die. it took over an hour of that until i was ready. by then, i was crying and begging them to get it done cuz i was in so much pain. and the cramping got even worse during the procedure. jesus. afterwards, i was hypervenitlating and vomitting. the other ladies were staring at me. i hated them cuz they were just sitting there with the heat pads looking like nothing had happened. i don't know why i had such a horrific time. oh my god, it was horrible.
make sure you talk to someone if you need to AT ALL...you've been thru something traumatic--don't hold it in, ok?
I decided not to be drugged (I HATE needles,) so they just gave me a horse-pill sized Advil. I really wish now that I would have just sucked it up and gotten the injection, because it was the most horrible 3-5 min. long ordeal of my life. I actually screamed while he was probing me. Oh, and to dilate my cervix, the doc stabbed inside my vag with some looooooooong needles. I'm so happy that they let my bf be in the room with me, cuz he really helped me thru it. Actually, he looked like he was gonna faint from hearing me scream, but it was nice to have his hand there.
I also have to factor in that I have a low tolerance for pain and I am paranoid as fuck about any sort of weird foreign object entering my body. I nearly passed out when I got my navel pierced. Penis is an exception, though. Glad that u had a better experience than me, and kudos to u for making the right choice for urself. If u don't mind me asking, how far along were u?
ive known only one other person in my life who had to go through with such a procedure, and she felt much as you did. she wanted the baby very much, but her life situation foule not allow it a decent life at the time. sadly, she did not have anyone to comfort her afterwords (the pregnancy was a result of rape). ive since lost touch with her...i wonder how shes doing now. but thats neither here nor there. i think its wonderful that you have your special someone, because despite any flaws he may have it sounds like he really loves you. honestly, i think think you could have kids with the hunchback of notre dame, and they would still come out beautiful just for having your genes in them. when the time come you are going to make a truly wonderful mother.
that was the most emotional journal i have ever read. thank you for sharing your story. i am not brave enough to share mine. if you ever need to talk.....
Darling I hope that the good day you called Monday stretches out a long, long time for you. You deserve and you certainly sound as if you could use a bit of that.
I'm so sorry you went through this. But don't make any big decisions for a while. Why, you ask? Well.......
My wife, K, and I went through this right after she graduated from undergrad and headed off to grad school far far away. She didn't know she was pregnant until she was up there. She decided to go through this all by herself (she would not let me fly up or anything).THe following two months she went through trying to find someone up there to date and be with near her. Fortunately for me nobody up there appealed to her, and she did eventually marry me. Even though we spoke on the phone every night I didn't know about this time for a while. Ignorance truly is bliss in this case.
So, that's why I say wait on important decisions. She said she was emotionally and psychologically traumatized from this and was, understandably, just wanting to feel wanted.
So, soak up all the love, tenderness, and caressing that you can possibly get from any source. Do nice things for yourself. Buy flowers and have them around you.
wow, i had a much, much worse time than you did. first, we had to talk to all the counselors to mak sure this was what we wanted. I kept wanting to scream at them "NONONONONONO! I don't WANT to do this! What the fuck do you think?" Then they gave me some little pills to start dilating my cervix and then i had the most intense cramps i had ever felt in my life. i thought i was gonna die. it took over an hour of that until i was ready. by then, i was crying and begging them to get it done cuz i was in so much pain. and the cramping got even worse during the procedure. jesus. afterwards, i was hypervenitlating and vomitting. the other ladies were staring at me. i hated them cuz they were just sitting there with the heat pads looking like nothing had happened. i don't know why i had such a horrific time. oh my god, it was horrible.
make sure you talk to someone if you need to AT ALL...you've been thru something traumatic--don't hold it in, ok?
remember, i'm here if ya need me!
[Edited on May 02, 2005 5:42AM]