calina

gosh damn, I am so fucking depressed lately. and, I usually do the good job of fighting it off, but I'm tired of pushing it away. pushing it away just makes me explode, and I am too damn impulsive to calm my nerves when the explosion occurs.

i could think of other things... of prettier things. but, then when I cry... am I crying because it's beautiful or because I am just so fucking sad?
what happens when the pretty things begin to wilt and decay? what happens when all the life is sucked from the very thing that gives us the air we breath?

the moment I even start to feel manageable is the same moment that I lose it all again. there is no fading from black or white. there is no gray.
("i must keep the razors away.") "razors" ... they used to be pretty when I used them...

yeah, you're not so pretty anymore. come here- and let me see if I cannot carve a smile on your face. :-/

+~v+~v+~v+~v+~v+~v+~v

(this is something I wrote a little bit ago. it has no relevance as to why i am depressed lately. but, I figured why I am wasting this entry space to be the pessimist, why not fill it up with more pessimism instead of wasting yet another potentially joyful entry space.)

I suffer in silence
Because you cannot imagine what is real.

I weep-
In the Here.
I die-
In the Now.

You have given to me
Something I will never forget.

You killed me.
Alone.
With You. But - alone.
Always