cadavre

I'm feeling mopey again. I'm not even sure I want to keep typing this, but honestly, I have no one else to really talk to. I have more contact with SG people than my family, friends, and some days, even Corey.

I'm stuck in this route of waking up by myself, grabbing breakfast, watching tv, staring at the dog, surfing the web, getting bored, walking the dog, and waiting for everyone to come home. Fridays and Saturdays I work, sometimes we go on adventures, but mostly we sit around and watch tv.

Being back in Washington is way better for my sanity than sitting in Sacramento, but I'm back to having way too much time alone. I sit here and criticize myself. And no matter how stubborn and hard-headed I say I am, all of this rejection on here is really gnawing at myself esteem. I should just go shoot another set, and I'm working on that, but there's this little voice whispering in my ear that I'll never bee good enough for this site.

I don't understand the politics and standards on here anymore. I don't understand how some sets are bought when I can barely get one accepted, or the ones I do have up are doing so terribly.

But then I look at myself and feel that maybe I don't belong here, maybe I'm not "edgy" enough. I wish I could afford to cover myself in the tattoos I want, I wish I was in a position in my life where I could get away with that. Maybe if I work for Paragon forever...but that's not really what I want, even if the money is good. I finally found a school I want to go to, but I have to get some more prerequisites taken care of.

So..I guess I'm asking for help...I want PM's with what maybe I could do better, what you think would help me in the set area, what I can do in my daily visits to SG to grab more attention.

Again, I'm going to beg for help from things on my wishlist...and beg for help for the camera fund.


And....I'm going to end this before my bitching and rambling drive even me crazy.

This is not a good start to a friday, I'm gonna end up being a bitch to the gal I work with tonight....even if she does annoy the ever-loving shit out of me. Maybe it's just best if I keep my mouth shut tonight.


Alright, well, I hope the rest of you have a great weekend.

I'm going to keep reading my HP Lovecraft stories and continue my lame ass routine