E has an unfortunate tendency to be very clingy and possessive of my attention. After a time, we both get completely overwhelmed with each others' company and need some time apart. Tonight we reached that point. The irony is that while I quickly recognize a very basic need to not spend every waking moment interacting, she doesn't fully understand it for herself until we reach saturation point. Perhaps she will in time. After all, I am the first really serious boyfriend she has ever had and I keep telling myself that she simply hasn't learned many of the lessons that each of us do with practice.
I could explain in detail all the reasons why we got to this state, but they would be secondary to the fact that we just need some space. In short, we're both very frustrated that the job market is so awful right now. I've been applying all over the place and have gotten only one interview in two months of searching. She's frustrated for a similar reason. Her passion is in International Relations/Politics, but she is realizing that without any solid connections, her chances at getting a job in a very competitive, very specialized field are not very good. The only place one can find jobs in her field are in Washington, DC, but this, of course, means that everyone else with the same degree recognizes this and applies for a very limited number of jobs. Jobs in IR are not plentiful even in good economic times. Elisabeth is many things but she is not sufficiently networked to make inroads with potential employers and she does not have the kind of nakedly ambitious personality that one needs to claw one's way to the top.
In addition, E is having a harder time of carrying on a long distance relationship than I am. These are not new things for me, since I had many an internet infatuation in my teens before I had the confidence to actually try my hand at a physical relationship here in town. I've learned how to adapt to lengthy separation with time and with experience. This is all new for her. What troubles me a little is that her relationship experience is so very limited that a great divide exists between us. We might be on the same level intellectually and, for the most part, emotionally, but when it comes down to managing time and space as well as the inevitable bumps and bruises that go along with romance, I can deal with things much more effectively.
She tries, bless her, to keep me afloat and to be encouraging when I express no small frustration at spending hours a day applying for jobs and jumping through hoops. But when she's already feeling vulnerable like this, she simply doesn't have the energy. Right now she's already contemplating going back to grad school to achieve her doctorate. She received her M.A. last August. The goal originally was to find a job in DC, work it for two to three years, then take the experience with her when it came time to go after her PhD. After a year of searching fruitlessly for any available position in her field, she's beginning to wonder if perhaps it would be wiser to go ahead and plow right back into academia. She is contemplating four schools. Two of them are in DC, one is Harvard, but the fourth is Syracuse, where she received her undergraduate degree. She has more clout there than in any of the other schools, but she hates how isolated it is being in Upstate New York, hates the cold weather, and hates the copious snowfall. Still, she is coming to realize that she could very likely be headed back there. I have tried to tell her that jobs in academia are just as competitive and she needs to broaden her focus considerably, else she'll be in the same situation she's in right now. I think in time she'll be in a position to hear me.
I could explain in detail all the reasons why we got to this state, but they would be secondary to the fact that we just need some space. In short, we're both very frustrated that the job market is so awful right now. I've been applying all over the place and have gotten only one interview in two months of searching. She's frustrated for a similar reason. Her passion is in International Relations/Politics, but she is realizing that without any solid connections, her chances at getting a job in a very competitive, very specialized field are not very good. The only place one can find jobs in her field are in Washington, DC, but this, of course, means that everyone else with the same degree recognizes this and applies for a very limited number of jobs. Jobs in IR are not plentiful even in good economic times. Elisabeth is many things but she is not sufficiently networked to make inroads with potential employers and she does not have the kind of nakedly ambitious personality that one needs to claw one's way to the top.
In addition, E is having a harder time of carrying on a long distance relationship than I am. These are not new things for me, since I had many an internet infatuation in my teens before I had the confidence to actually try my hand at a physical relationship here in town. I've learned how to adapt to lengthy separation with time and with experience. This is all new for her. What troubles me a little is that her relationship experience is so very limited that a great divide exists between us. We might be on the same level intellectually and, for the most part, emotionally, but when it comes down to managing time and space as well as the inevitable bumps and bruises that go along with romance, I can deal with things much more effectively.
She tries, bless her, to keep me afloat and to be encouraging when I express no small frustration at spending hours a day applying for jobs and jumping through hoops. But when she's already feeling vulnerable like this, she simply doesn't have the energy. Right now she's already contemplating going back to grad school to achieve her doctorate. She received her M.A. last August. The goal originally was to find a job in DC, work it for two to three years, then take the experience with her when it came time to go after her PhD. After a year of searching fruitlessly for any available position in her field, she's beginning to wonder if perhaps it would be wiser to go ahead and plow right back into academia. She is contemplating four schools. Two of them are in DC, one is Harvard, but the fourth is Syracuse, where she received her undergraduate degree. She has more clout there than in any of the other schools, but she hates how isolated it is being in Upstate New York, hates the cold weather, and hates the copious snowfall. Still, she is coming to realize that she could very likely be headed back there. I have tried to tell her that jobs in academia are just as competitive and she needs to broaden her focus considerably, else she'll be in the same situation she's in right now. I think in time she'll be in a position to hear me.