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I'm at the end of my rope.

I feel alone, hopeless, and helpless.

I miss having those kinds of friends you could turn to when you had noone else to talk to.

My wife is my best friend, but sometimes I'm too broken down to talk to her, and I understand that fault is within me. But sometimes I just need someone else to talk to.

I've never been in this much debt. I've never had my bank account continue to go negative. I've never had such terrible luck with jobs. I've taken jobs, and sat idly by while they do their background checks (mine is spotless), drug tests (again spotless), and then hear nothing. Only to keep starting the process over.

I turn 26 saturday. It feels so goddamn uneventful other than to make me, a grown man, want to break down in tears at what a shamble my life has become.

It can't get worse, I can't get lower. I've said that time and time again. Yet somehow, IT DOES GET WORSE. I DO GET LOWER.

Its all bottled up so tightly inside. Dad with cancer, wife who I'm not giving the life she deserves, me just failing at life completely.

I mean, i'm an optimistic person. I am. I got through the worst year of my life last year with health battles that I WON. But this year came along and has now sucked just as bad.

I can take anything life throws at me. I thought I could. But I'm breaking down in my car at night. Going out where people are just to see if anyone will strike up a conversation because i'm too introverted and sad to try to strike one up myself. But it doesn't happen.

I'm a lost cause perhaps.

Perhaps I just needed to write this down.

Perhaps if I could just disappear for a while....

Perhaps.