Wow, I read this blog and skimmed over the last 2 out of sheer curiosity and I really wanted to commend you for admitting to your lies.
I was a liar as a child and have, as an adult, dated 2 pathological liars. I know that once you've lied to one person, you feel you have to lie to everyone. And even though some of the lies may seem small to you, they get bigger and bigger and when people learn you've lied about anything, small or big, they lose faith in their ability to trust what you say.
I still look back on my relationships with these liars and I don't believe ANYTHING they said to me. Because you can't pick and choose WHAT you believe and have faith in when you have lost it in that person.
I'm unsure if you admitted everything here because it is a private place and the people in your real life can't read it, or if admitting it here means you admitted in in real life also, but I really recommend that you DO open yourself to being honest with everyone about everything.
I was SUCH a liar when I was little. Mostly because I was always doing shit like breaking and losing things and I would get in so much trouble for it that I would lie about what happened so avoid trouble. In realizing that lying saved me from trouble, I started to lie more and more.
But, as I'm sure you can agree to, lying makes it worse in the long run. I would PANIC about people finding out I had lied. Or about getting caught in a lie, by forgetting what I had said or who I had told, etc etc etc.
In my life now, I pride myself very seriously on my honesty. I literally can't even remember the last time I told anything greater than a white lie, and even those are few and far between. I want you to know how much more free an honest life feels. Sometimes I really don't want to admit things, or tell people things, but I do because I have to. I refuse to lie to anyone, including myself. Its one of the biggest changes in my maturity over the years and has seriously added a LOT of peace to my life.
I know I don't know you at all, I just felt compelled to write you, as it really is a big part of getting my life on track and it is SO important to avoid situations like you have found yourself in due to your lies. I hope you can find some peace! Coming clean with everyone will hurt them and hurt you and it might be really awful in the moments... but you know that sick feeling in your stomach while you're hiding a lie? It is WONDERFUL to never feel that again!
Good luck with everything.
Edit: SHIT THIS IS LONG!! Sorry, I didnt mean to write so much! Carried away!
I'm a liar. I've lied to my husband about some stupid shit. I don't know that I will ever be able to have a conversation with him about it because I'm also a coward.
I've been reading your blogs and I commend you for your honesty, however late it may be. Swallowing pride is a hard thing to do, but it will set you free.
No, the 2 liars never have admitted to any of their lies. If they had while I still gave a shit, it may have salvaged some sort of trust. Sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like no one will ever believe in you again once you come clean. With these two, it was me finding things out and being a good enough observer to catch them in lies. And they would be denied every time I brought them up, even the times I had solid proof. One ex used to text other girls and I SAW the messages. He would later delete them and swear I had made up what I'd seen and I was crazy. Really fucks with you.
Knowing that you are totally coming clean to everyone in all this is amazing and you are being so strong. Especially with so many things extending back over such a period of time. I hope you will be able to feel the weight lifted, even if it is heavy for a while.
And while doing it for the people you care so much about, do it just as much for yourself.
I was a liar as a child and have, as an adult, dated 2 pathological liars. I know that once you've lied to one person, you feel you have to lie to everyone. And even though some of the lies may seem small to you, they get bigger and bigger and when people learn you've lied about anything, small or big, they lose faith in their ability to trust what you say.
I still look back on my relationships with these liars and I don't believe ANYTHING they said to me. Because you can't pick and choose WHAT you believe and have faith in when you have lost it in that person.
I'm unsure if you admitted everything here because it is a private place and the people in your real life can't read it, or if admitting it here means you admitted in in real life also, but I really recommend that you DO open yourself to being honest with everyone about everything.
I was SUCH a liar when I was little. Mostly because I was always doing shit like breaking and losing things and I would get in so much trouble for it that I would lie about what happened so avoid trouble. In realizing that lying saved me from trouble, I started to lie more and more.
But, as I'm sure you can agree to, lying makes it worse in the long run. I would PANIC about people finding out I had lied. Or about getting caught in a lie, by forgetting what I had said or who I had told, etc etc etc.
In my life now, I pride myself very seriously on my honesty. I literally can't even remember the last time I told anything greater than a white lie, and even those are few and far between. I want you to know how much more free an honest life feels. Sometimes I really don't want to admit things, or tell people things, but I do because I have to. I refuse to lie to anyone, including myself. Its one of the biggest changes in my maturity over the years and has seriously added a LOT of peace to my life.
I know I don't know you at all, I just felt compelled to write you, as it really is a big part of getting my life on track and it is SO important to avoid situations like you have found yourself in due to your lies. I hope you can find some peace! Coming clean with everyone will hurt them and hurt you and it might be really awful in the moments... but you know that sick feeling in your stomach while you're hiding a lie? It is WONDERFUL to never feel that again!
Good luck with everything.
Edit: SHIT THIS IS LONG!! Sorry, I didnt mean to write so much! Carried away!