Sure, some people who have never experienced depression use that expression until they find something else to say but I know that more people suffer from depression than society has come to believe. My brother is currently battling depression and has been for about 2 years now. It sucks to see someone in so much pain that you love and it also starts to bring you down as well.
Sorry that response was so "emo" but your blog put me in that mood. Now I have to go listen to some happy music and dance around in my underwear. Love ya!
Some people know, and some do not. I have never told anyone : i am about to kill myself, though i have had thoughts of death and suicide before. Just lying somewhere beyong sadness and hope. You just feel empty and tired. But whatever is making you feel this way, it can stop and it is fixable if you want to try, and sometimes people can help. You just have to find the right ones. you will know the right ones. The best are those with personal experience. I suggest if you feel this way, you phone a confidential distress line, or talk with an understanding friend. Even if you just need to be around someone or need a hug, no questions, no explanations. Sometimes talking can become a grueling task. My therapist gave me four phone numbers lol.
As usual, some writing for your reading pleasure: (but I will soon run out)
"In a history of lovers, I'm only your list
as you most melancholy mistress,
my apologies for making you feel so helpless
you only saw the slightest glimpse
of my everyday experience." (mine, to an ex)
"Verbalization makes me tired
I wish I could brush your fingertips
Rather than have everything be said
And then maybe you could feel the fire
Maybe you could perspire
And stop telling me don't worry darling
It's all in your head." (mine, small poem)
"It's the loneliest type of existence to feel as if you are standing in a room crowded with people, and yet you're still a million miles away, screaming" (journal entry)
"Today I found out that happiness can be a reasonable expectation and I felt *relief* for the first time in the longest time. I'd been off preparing myself, having given up on the idea of such a thing being attainable. I'd stopped living to make myself happy, because I didn't believe it could ever happen. I'd been living for others instead. Now I could be me again, whoever she may be." (journal entry, after I got diagnosed)
"Maybe I will die young and tragic. Maybe I even won't make it past tomorrow. I don't know if I'll give into myself someday, or if something else will be the cause of my end. It's a weird kind of hopeless sadness to feel like you won't grow old; that your failure to pull it together was the reason why you didn't get to experience the things around that other bend. But nothing is for sure. Otherwise, I would get more tattoos and care less about what other people think. There are just too many endings to know which is the definitive one, and new beginnings all the time. So I guess I'll just have to hold on, wait and see." (journal, again, randomly)
"A world encased in spirals
cycles over and over again
the same wars, hates, deaths, mitakes
births, loves, joys, lives
the same things happening
the exact same way
fast forward, rewind,
search for the point at which it stops
but there are never any ends,
only new beginnings,
again and again
again and again...." (mine, contemplating pi and life in general)
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot?
The world forgetting by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Each prayer answered and each wish resigned"
(not mine, Alexander Pope)
how goes?
Sorry that response was so "emo" but your blog put me in that mood. Now I have to go listen to some happy music and dance around in my underwear. Love ya!