It's time for....VAGINAL GHOST STORIES PART II!!! **Shines flashlight under chin**
The tale of the caramel apple crotch...
Ok, so when I was with N, in bed she would say 50,000 times "You are the best tasting girl i've ever gone down on" and I'd say "What do I taste like?" and she'd pause, then say "Like candy!" I would then crack up laughing hysterically in the middle of sex saying "Bullshit! My crotch does NOT taste like candy! You lie!!!!"
So then we broke up, which was inevitable. Bout a couple of months later I thought, hey, i'm going to find out if it's true. So after a bonny wee jaunt on suicidegirls.com (Down at the old Watson farm...) I decide to stick my finger inside myself like it's a fucking PIE to find the truth...I take it out and put it in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT IT TASTED EXACTLY LIKE CARAMEL APPLE!!!
So I call my best friend at like 1am to scream "Fuck! Tanya! What the hell? My crotch tastes like CARAMEL APPLE!"
"I guess that's...good? You should be lucky. Nobody's crotch tastes like caramel apple." She says. "But why? WHY???"
Nobody knoooooows....
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
So yeah. Thank you all for the encouragement and the kind words since N called. I actually called up Lola and Dia in a panic afterwards asking for advice ('cause c'mon, are they not the two toughest girls you know? Lola's wavin' guns around all the time and Dia has the destructive power of a Lamia unchecked) Lola says it's a trap, and Lola is right. I'll not respond.
Well...on to bigger and better things with my caramel apple crotch. Actually, there was a shindig on Castro last night...some girl recognized me from the club and gave me her number. Dude, I specifically said I would not go on dates with anybody under 22 or from the club anymore, so what am I going to go and do??? Blah. We will probably have absolutely nothing in common and she'll have some sort of odd neurosis. I'm a little depressed because in the past month or so i've gotten clearer on what I want and it's not little girls like that...haven't got time to play games. But whatever. Then again, who knows, anything's worth a try once, right? Maybe she might be cool?
The tale of the caramel apple crotch...
Ok, so when I was with N, in bed she would say 50,000 times "You are the best tasting girl i've ever gone down on" and I'd say "What do I taste like?" and she'd pause, then say "Like candy!" I would then crack up laughing hysterically in the middle of sex saying "Bullshit! My crotch does NOT taste like candy! You lie!!!!"
So then we broke up, which was inevitable. Bout a couple of months later I thought, hey, i'm going to find out if it's true. So after a bonny wee jaunt on suicidegirls.com (Down at the old Watson farm...) I decide to stick my finger inside myself like it's a fucking PIE to find the truth...I take it out and put it in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT IT TASTED EXACTLY LIKE CARAMEL APPLE!!!
So I call my best friend at like 1am to scream "Fuck! Tanya! What the hell? My crotch tastes like CARAMEL APPLE!"
"I guess that's...good? You should be lucky. Nobody's crotch tastes like caramel apple." She says. "But why? WHY???"
Nobody knoooooows....
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
So yeah. Thank you all for the encouragement and the kind words since N called. I actually called up Lola and Dia in a panic afterwards asking for advice ('cause c'mon, are they not the two toughest girls you know? Lola's wavin' guns around all the time and Dia has the destructive power of a Lamia unchecked) Lola says it's a trap, and Lola is right. I'll not respond.
Well...on to bigger and better things with my caramel apple crotch. Actually, there was a shindig on Castro last night...some girl recognized me from the club and gave me her number. Dude, I specifically said I would not go on dates with anybody under 22 or from the club anymore, so what am I going to go and do??? Blah. We will probably have absolutely nothing in common and she'll have some sort of odd neurosis. I'm a little depressed because in the past month or so i've gotten clearer on what I want and it's not little girls like that...haven't got time to play games. But whatever. Then again, who knows, anything's worth a try once, right? Maybe she might be cool?
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
dia:
The caramel apple sounds nice, doesn't it?
apathy_activist:
i'm proud to present you with this cool Blue Ribbon as an award for my favorite journal. i love reading you. well, not you. your shit. which sometimes is awful shit, but there's always hope.