bettybruises

I should be packing the last of the things that will go in my car with me to Portland on Sunday.

I should be.

But something stopped me.

You see, I have this collection.

Of rocks.

And some shells.

And a few pieces of green beach glass.

These rocks have moved with me since I was 8 or 9 years old.

And Ive moved a lot.

And far.

I go through this every time I move.
Not short moves from apartment to apartment in the same city or region.
Just the big moves, like this one.
I clean and wrap my rocks and memories, and I take them with me.

I started collecting these rocks when I was a kid, the first time I visited California and went to Disneyland.
I had no idea what I was doing then.

At age 17, I bought a white suede pouch from a Wiccan/Shaman store that had opened in my hometown.
The most precious pebbles and shells, the small ones go in this pouch.
This pouch travels with me anytime I leave home.
The other rocks only travel on the big moves.

The thing is, with these rocks, its not just oh this is a pretty rock, I think Ill take it home, its more than that.
Every time I take a stone, I am taking a piece of somewhere I love and/or a moment that has impacted me significantly.

This weekend, I will be taking a piece of Southern California.
I wouldnt have done that 3 years ago, which is when I was ready to GTFO the last time. My time here has been really rocky. I abhorred Southern California for the first year and a half I lived here. There are still a lot of things I dont like, but 3 years ago, I got involved in roller derby. Roller Derby kept me in Southern California. And I dont regret a second of that. Roller Derby is an amazing sport, but its more than that. Its a community and thats why I stayed. To learn and grow with that community.

See my rocks are probably because I have always wished I could take the people and moments I love from each place I have lived with me. My own little weird utopia you could say.
I cant take people, but my rocks are a very physical and real piece of those moments, people and places.
When I move from region to region, state to state or country to country, those places move with me.
I am terrible at taking photos, but if I ever lost these rocks, I would be as heartbroken as someone who lost all of their photos in a fire.

As I wash and wrap these rocks, I am holding these places in my hand.
My moving has extended the network of people I love quite literally from Hong Kong and Japan to Hawaii.

I have several pieces of Colorado, where I grew up and have moved back to several times, that I carry with me. Places I loved and hiked at regularly, places that housed moments I wanted to keep like a butterfly in amber.

People and moments are fluid. Rocks are solid and they carry these things with them for centuries. So I guess part of my stability is in these damned rocks.

I have pieces of Oregon, where I went to college that I hope to add to.

I have pieces of Wales, where I moved at age 20. A country and culture that I hold and guard as fiercely as a sibling. One I am proud to say a large part of my heritage comes from. I will never say Im Welsh as the American tradition seems to be. Im not Welsh, Im American, but damn it, I love my heritage.
I camped in the courtyard of a castle when I lived in Wales. I have a piece of that castle courtyard in my rocks.

I have pieces of Ireland.

I have pieces of Northern California.

And Mexico.

And Spain.

And Greece.

I have rocks from places Ive never been because a few people have known this about me and have given me rocks that were special to them. I love these.
So now I take the places that I have lived and I will add another rock, because God Damn It Southern California, you look soft, but youre as hard as New York City. Still, there is a piece of you I love, and I can quite honestly say that these past five years were anything but wasted.

With that rock, I will take all of the people I love and will genuinely miss.
So to those of you here, know that I am taking you with me as I am taking a small piece of the physical place with me.

I dont have established roots. My rocks are my roots, and you all are a part of those roots.

Thank You Southern California, I can quite honestly say that I like the me I have become more now than I did when I crossed that state line 5 years ago.