bettiebraaains

i'm a mess again.
i don't know what is going on inside of my head, but i don't like it.
i hate feeling like this.
i hate having anxiety.
i wish i knew how to fix myself.
i need to just sleep for a week.
i'm so tired of everything.
i hate feeling this stressed out.
i'm afraid of losing pat and i don't even know why.
i shouldn't be worrying about that at all cuz i know it's not going to happen.
i'm afraid that she's going to get into one of her moods again and everything is going to get even worse.
that has a good chance of happening.
i need to get out of here.. go on a vacation for a few days.

today i am one month sober.
that seems so weird to say.
i'm used to drinking at least a little bit each weekend.
i haven't drank since NYE and i didn't even have that much.
sometimes i really feel like i need to have a drink, but something holds me back from asking.
i feel weird about it too.
like i'm glad i haven't to an extent.
that's weird to me.. really weird.