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bergmala

abilene

Member Since 2004

Followers 3 Following 15

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Monday Jul 17, 2006

Jul 16, 2006
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disappointment always seems so close at hand. from the little things, to the big things, i'm so tired of being let down. the only thing i can think of to solve it is a cliche answer that i must start with myself. if i can't keep from letting myself down, how can i expect anyone else to?

i hear/see all these words and conversations, from my distant/recent past, and i question every single little certainty until it's as strong/solid as glass. it'll shatter with the slightest pressure, or slowly flow further and further down, only noticing what has happened after revisiting it, like an aging car in a wrecker yard. it's not something you expect to see, something so seemingly solid/strong, transparent and altered, like nothing should ever of been.

everyone assumed she was the love of my life, she's not, just the lastest one to hurt me. i know who it is, and i've always known. even with my bad memory, i can't forget you. i do, however, forget that no one holds on like i do, with a tenacity/ferocity of all the good/bad (respective) things that happen to me.

you never called me, but did i really expect you to? i'm tthinking of so many people right now, so i doubt you would ever realize i meant you. i wish i didn't have to revisit you every time i start to get depressed. it's like going out to chase the loneliness away, so many people and all i can do is stand and watch, further sinking in the reality of how things are.

we ended, and you moved on, while i stared after you. but i hoped that since we were both back, we'd be close again. we're as close as we've ever been, because i don't even remember what it was like to be around you.

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