benni

had a thought, but lost it...

every part of me is in pain. its not excruciating, but its definately there, its real and harsh and lingering... physical, most of it, but once in awhile it pushes its way in to my brain...

painful thoughts, painful dreams, painful memories...

i wake up with gnarled hands, no explanation, just curled and hurting... sometimes numb. what does it mean when you wake with numb hands? not slept on numb, not like you sat on your foot for too long and cant feel it anymore... that same feeling, but with no reason at all...

i need a doctor. i curse my lack of health insurance on whats becoming a regular basis.

i miss a lot of everyone. my everyone... i miss my tegan, and my cube, and my frankie, and my dad, and my dog, and my carin, and my aly, and my everyone... yeah. my everyone.

people trying to get close, and me still pulling away...

and you worry that ive found someone new to confide in, but the truth is i confide in no one...

but you.

ive drifted away in a way thats caused a loss of interest... i know some of you still read this... and to those that do...

i bare to you...

my heart.

welcome in.