I'm not doing well... My thoughts keep turning back to Alvina and its making me feel like shit. I feel like I need to keep punishing myself for our separation, like I need to torture myself until I have paid in pain the suffering I have caused her.
I am fucking up at work, because it's occupying all my thoughts, and they are starting to notice. In fact I just lost a job that was semi-promised to me before she left, because my performance has taken a slump lately.
I want to get out of the house and relax, but I am trying pay off several thousands of dollars of debt in as little time as possible, so I don't really have the money to go anywhere. I just want to have dinner with some friends, fuck this is shaping up to be a very bad night.
I went to the gym again today, but my routine didn't fill me with the energy it usually does, only left me feeling tired and cranky.
I need a bright spot so badly right now... but the only thing that has helped since she left has been dropping $1000 in one night at the strip club, and that is just too expensive for me now.
ah fuck it
I am fucking up at work, because it's occupying all my thoughts, and they are starting to notice. In fact I just lost a job that was semi-promised to me before she left, because my performance has taken a slump lately.
I want to get out of the house and relax, but I am trying pay off several thousands of dollars of debt in as little time as possible, so I don't really have the money to go anywhere. I just want to have dinner with some friends, fuck this is shaping up to be a very bad night.
I went to the gym again today, but my routine didn't fill me with the energy it usually does, only left me feeling tired and cranky.
I need a bright spot so badly right now... but the only thing that has helped since she left has been dropping $1000 in one night at the strip club, and that is just too expensive for me now.
ah fuck it
mydogfarted:
Get out of the house, get out of the house, get out of the house. I spent far too much time wallowing in self-pity during my marriage which lead to deeply destructive depression and eventually hospitalization, because it made my bi-polar swings painful. Going to the gym, having a cheap dinner with friends or just spending an hour in the bookstore will make a world of difference.