Yeah - dontcha' just LOVE the "be strong" thing? What if I don't WANT to be strong dammit! What if I WANT to actually FEEL all the things that I'm feeling - experience them, live them?! What if allowing myself to actually feel like crap for a while is what I need to do in order to get through something?
As you can tell, I've been through the "be strong" thing. Yeah, yeah, it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though it is always nearly impossible to realize or believe that when you're right at the start of a hard time in your life. Nobody can ever completely understand that, even if you've been through it. I mean, though I have had some really hard times, I can't even really imagine what you're going through. I can relate to some of the feelings, but I can never have YOUR specific experience. It would be arrogant at BEST of me to assume that telling you to "suck it up" or "be strong" would actually be of any help! :-P I will say do the best you can and rely on the people who are your friends - your REAL friends, for support.
Which leads me to another thing - you REALLY really find out who your frieds are when you run into really hard times in your life. I'm sure you've seen this. Some people are with you through anything - just want to support you and help you, whether that means being actively involved or just being available to llisten. Then there are those that treat your pain like some kid of big burden or "inconvenience" to them. Like suddenly it's too tough on them to be your friend when you're struggling. Those are the best, huh? Can you tell I'm a little bitter about that? naaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.... :-P
So really I can't give you any advice, and really - that's not what you need. I'll just offer the support of a stranger. Well, an "almost complete" stranger (I mean - we've exchanged at least TWO e-mails or comment posts or something. THat counts for something, right? But seriously - you ever want to vent or talk or whatever - I'll always listen. (and I have been told the my shoulders are EXCELLENT for crying on... )
I know this phrase gets old, but really it is a pretty good one... "hang in there..."
Annellise, I am so sorry for your loss. It truely is a terrible one. My Mom passed away about a year ago and it is still near-imposible for me to understand what life is going to be like without her. Every little thing that happens in my life (and a lot of stuff is happening) makes me think of her and want to talk to her for advice. I constantly think, "What would Mom say." Some people say, "Oh, with time you will move on." When they really mean, "With time, you will make yourself forget and become numb to the pain." For me, that's the last thing I want. I want to embrace all the pain and sorrow. I want to think about her as often as I can and live my life in a way that will make her proud. It's funny how uncomfortable people get when they accidentally or me intentionaly mention her. People are so umcomfortable and afraid of death, which they should be. Death is very scary and very uncomfortable for us poor saps that are left behind. If I were to offer any advice at all it would just from my limited experience. Mourn how YOU have to mourn. Remember how you have to remember. Don't seek closure for your pain but instead, embrace it as proof of your love for your brother. Don't let it consume you but don't ever let it vanish...
The members above are nice. But I think you need to buck the fuck up, kiddo and move on!
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You know I'm kidding. I love you. I will still be willing to listen or hug or dry tears over your brother when you are 80.
It's such a strange phenomenon when people become tired of listening and tired of helping. They are so nice in the beginning, but when you don't heal, when things don't get magically better, they're out of patience. Human beings have such a small capacity for love sometimes.
I miss you. I fucking miss you. I remember sitting by myself in the movie theater on my birthday with nacho cheese spilled all over my shirt thinking, "This year is going to be hell. I just know it." When a birthday doesn't go right it's a sure sign. This year will pass too, my pet. And I'll be there on the other side with tuna casserole.
Esthenatician school planning is coming right along. It'll be no time flat before I'm waxing cha-cha to support my lovely wife (that's you!) Good night, Lovely.
Oh, and one more thing... download or buy the Marie Antoinette soundtrack. The Cure + The Radio Department + The Strokes + New Order = Less of a sucky day
"You know... my son plays bass for The Bravery." Or was that Hot Hot Heat. Or was that The Killers.
But I think you need to buck the fuck up, kiddo and move on!
As you can tell, I've been through the "be strong" thing. Yeah, yeah, it is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though it is always nearly impossible to realize or believe that when you're right at the start of a hard time in your life. Nobody can ever completely understand that, even if you've been through it. I mean, though I have had some really hard times, I can't even really imagine what you're going through. I can relate to some of the feelings, but I can never have YOUR specific experience. It would be arrogant at BEST of me to assume that telling you to "suck it up" or "be strong" would actually be of any help! :-P I will say do the best you can and rely on the people who are your friends - your REAL friends, for support.
Which leads me to another thing - you REALLY really find out who your frieds are when you run into really hard times in your life. I'm sure you've seen this. Some people are with you through anything - just want to support you and help you, whether that means being actively involved or just being available to llisten. Then there are those that treat your pain like some kid of big burden or "inconvenience" to them. Like suddenly it's too tough on them to be your friend when you're struggling. Those are the best, huh? Can you tell I'm a little bitter about that? naaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.... :-P
So really I can't give you any advice, and really - that's not what you need. I'll just offer the support of a stranger. Well, an "almost complete" stranger (I mean - we've exchanged at least TWO e-mails or comment posts or something. THat counts for something, right? But seriously - you ever want to vent or talk or whatever - I'll always listen. (and I have been told the my shoulders are EXCELLENT for crying on...
I know this phrase gets old, but really it is a pretty good one... "hang in there..."