I don't think you should ever feel bad about journal entires which are full of good old-fashioned self-indulgent lamenting. It's a time honored tradition; it's what journals are for. Or were for, at least, originally. It's only recently (10 years? 15?) that you could have a journal with "readers" and the need to keep your readers happy/unworried that you might do something rash.

Man, you're going to be the strongest guy in the world when you're finally living in a metropolitan area. If you need reasons to wake up, how about documenting the backwoods troll people for that book you could write...

i like your lamentations

No, I'm glad that he's coming, but I wish, you know, some *family* could make it.