E asked me if i was happy tonight...
Let me back up
We ran in to lobster_ Monbster at walmarts this evening. It was nice running in to some one anywhere cause it means you know people... Anyhow she asked if i was going to girls night and i told her it wasn't really my thing. This led to a conversation about girls and looks (both of us seem to be jeans and sweatshirt type girls). This conversation continued in the car between me and E. I told him that i would look alot different if he wasn't in my life. For starters I would have more tattoos stretched ears and a few more pierceings. This continued in to a conversation about where my life would be different (drasticly different). As we pulled in to the garage he looks at me and asked "are you happy".... "In general". I started to cry and we sat there for a while. I told him No. That i didn't really know what happy was. I mean look at my mom i said How was i supposed to gauge what happy was when i was near here my whole life. Then i explianed how i didn't understand love either. That i saw alot of things done out of "love" like beatings and verbal berating that i didn't understand. I told him i knew i wanted him in my life. I knew i was supposed to be with him like my grandma knew she was supposed to be with my grandpa. I told him i just didn't know what i wanted out of life where i was supposed to fit in. But i was tierd of being E's Girlfriend (or E.'s wife) I wanted to be AMY. I wanted something more then standing in his shadow.
I think alot of what i said went over his head and i don't think it acomplished a danm thing... BUT i said it. I told him and i was honest about it. I can't do anything more then that.
I'm still sick BTW But if Lobster calls me tomarrow A.M. i'm going to help her move. Then E. and I are driveing down to Santa Rosa for the midnight opening of EB for Burning Crusaides. He may take tuesday off to play.... (Is this really my life.... Yup)
Let me back up
We ran in to lobster_ Monbster at walmarts this evening. It was nice running in to some one anywhere cause it means you know people... Anyhow she asked if i was going to girls night and i told her it wasn't really my thing. This led to a conversation about girls and looks (both of us seem to be jeans and sweatshirt type girls). This conversation continued in the car between me and E. I told him that i would look alot different if he wasn't in my life. For starters I would have more tattoos stretched ears and a few more pierceings. This continued in to a conversation about where my life would be different (drasticly different). As we pulled in to the garage he looks at me and asked "are you happy".... "In general". I started to cry and we sat there for a while. I told him No. That i didn't really know what happy was. I mean look at my mom i said How was i supposed to gauge what happy was when i was near here my whole life. Then i explianed how i didn't understand love either. That i saw alot of things done out of "love" like beatings and verbal berating that i didn't understand. I told him i knew i wanted him in my life. I knew i was supposed to be with him like my grandma knew she was supposed to be with my grandpa. I told him i just didn't know what i wanted out of life where i was supposed to fit in. But i was tierd of being E's Girlfriend (or E.'s wife) I wanted to be AMY. I wanted something more then standing in his shadow.
I think alot of what i said went over his head and i don't think it acomplished a danm thing... BUT i said it. I told him and i was honest about it. I can't do anything more then that.
I'm still sick BTW But if Lobster calls me tomarrow A.M. i'm going to help her move. Then E. and I are driveing down to Santa Rosa for the midnight opening of EB for Burning Crusaides. He may take tuesday off to play.... (Is this really my life.... Yup)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
toez:
*couldn't agree more with the "do what makes you happy" statement* Relationships are give and take...win some lose some. I don't know you very well, and I don't know E. at all, but it sounds like some compromise would do a lot of good. Are you saying that you don't have more tattoos, stretched earlobes and more piercings because he wont let you?
gayballs:
Hey, at least you got it all out. that sounds like a difficult-ass conversation to be having.