amelinda

Sorry to hear you feel like this, I appreciate how frustrating it must be. It's made all the more difficult having kids as well because as parents we have to keep a whole bunch of shit locked away. I certainly don't think you come across as dark or gloomy on here, I always got the impression you were quite positive. More than anything you just come across as being totally honest about yourself, and that's a really rare and lovely thing. Also, do bear in mind that you've had a lot of really difficult stuff to deal with recently and on top of that you have your impending head-shaving which will undoubtedly be adding to your anxiety levels. Feelings like the ones you're experiencing, where it's difficult to pin down an exact cause, are usually an accumulation of different stressful elements. Individually we are able to deal with them more pragmatically but together they have a cumulative effect and can make us feel quite lost. I understand how tempting it is to try to grasp this concept of who we really are as well but do remember our personalities are mostly fluid, they change and fluctuate according to our environment so allow yourself  to have these feelings and try not to feel too bad about it. My personal point of view from reading your blog is that you are smart, honest, trusting, feisty, caring, considerate, funny, kind hearted, and above all a wonderful mother and a great person. Stay strong, or as we say here in Yorkshire: chin up, love :)

I use this site to scream and cry too.  It's healthy to have a place to vent - at least, that's what I'm telling myself.  :)
And, you're still you, no one but you could handle the shit you're dealing with right now.  Hang in there.