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alvynaumagumma

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Hopeful Since 2007

Followers 4128 Following 3904

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Friday May 25, 2012

May 24, 2012
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I don't know what to do with my account ... skull
I don't feel like the same person I was three/four years ago. Not only did I lose my tits (DD down to AA) and least 40 lbs (135 lbs down to 93 lbs) but I was also an inhibited and very sad woman. All of my blog posts are about my ex-husband and the son I couldn't keep. I can't look at any of this without being sent back in time & sinking into a deep dark hole. At the same time, every second of our lives shape us as human beings. I can't just delete everything, erase my history, destroy myself ... it would be like cutting out a part of my brain. As it is, with my various psychological conditions, I can barely remember yesterday, let alone the events of years gone by. I don't want to lose my identity, even if I no longer identify with that person I was ... but I don't want this sinking feeling in the place that used to be my refuge. What to do? confused



VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
snottlebocket:
Move on? This pretentious pit is hardly a sanctuary and it sounds like you're in a better place anyway.
May 25, 2012
jozsef:
Your past is beyond altering because it's gone, but your attitude is always within your control. as are the choices you make now and in the future. I don't wish pain on anyone but at least we do gain some insight when it does come and are better equipped to handle it next time.

I think trying to forget anything is a waste of time that you could be spending enjoying the life you have now, which seems pretty good from what I've seen. There is no earthy reason for preferring one boob size over another and I think AA is just lovely, besides which, when you love someone no tape measure is needed to determine how much.

You can leave those blogs and look at them for one minute a year or never if that's what feels good. At least a record of that journey is available. I was sad not knowing how you are so now you have my perspective. I'm so pleased that you have someone who loves you and appreciates you at last. smile
May 27, 2012

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