allegro

Scene 2

(Same room. Three hours later. The GOD/DESS is in a corner, in fetal position. Her clothes are torn. DAVID reenters, looking exhausted. He sees her.)

DAVID: Oh, God.

GOD/DESS: Where did you go?

DAVID: To the theatre, you know that.

GOD/DESS: I stayed here.

DAVID: I need to head back right away, Jude can't come in so I. You finished the act.
(The GOD/DESS nods.) Why? There wasn't even anyone here to play the father. Why are you still in this play? Change, be someone else.

GOD/DESS: This hurts you.

DAVID: I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ever wrote it.

GOD/DESS: I could cry again. It would be your fault.

DAVID: I'm sorry. I didn't want you to get hurt.

GOD/DESS: Yes you did. And I'm not physically hurt, you stupid boy. I'm a God.

DAVID: Pride, then?

GOD/DESS: Yes, "Jake."

DAVID: I'm sorry, I didn't know what else to do. You looked like her, it was the first thing I could think of. You were threatening me.

GOD/DESS: I hurt your pride.

DAVID: So, we're even?

GOD/DESS: Shut up.

DAVID: Are you going to smite me now?

GOD/DESS: Don't test me.

DAVID: Okay, okay. (Pause.) What happens now? Do you want anything?

GOD/DESS: The same thing I came for David.

(Pause.)

DAVID: I'm not ready to do this again. Look, I'm tired, you're I need to go back. Can we pick this up in the morning?

GOD/DESS: No.

(Pause.)

DAVID: Ok then.

GOD/DESS: You wouldn't sleep now anyway. You have to write down the last two lines of your conversation with Frank this evening so you can flush them out into a scene. You can't lie to me.

DAVID: So you were there.

GOD/DESS: I was here.

DAVID: You were both.

GOD/DESS: Smart boy, David. Stupid smart boy.

DAVID: You know, I didn't expect to make it to the theatre. I figured you would lock me out or have me hit by a bus before reaching the door. Or maybe I'd get there and get inside to find I've been fired from the production in all capacities.

GOD/DESS: And you weren't.

DAVID: (He picks up the torn poster.) No. thank you.

GOD/DESS: That shows I still love you.

DAVID: This is ridiculous.

GOD/DESS: Well, yes David, it is. But that's your whole life, isn't it?

DAVID: (He attempts to mend the poster.) I can't 'choose' you. His way is right. I'm Jewish. This is the way of God.

GOD/DESS: Then what about my way? What about the way of your heart?

DAVID: Why can't they both be the way of my heart?

GOD/DESS: " because the Lord your God,

GOD/DESS & DAVID: who is present with you,

DAVID: is a jealous God." [Deut 6:15]

GOD/DESS: And that makes two of us. You try to make less of me, ignore my awesome spirit, and it makes you miserable. You pretend I'm not what I am so you can follow the rules. You use me just like he does. You think I'm here for your amusement.

DAVID: That's not true.

GOD/DESS: Sure it is, David.

DAVID: No it isn't! I don't use you, I suffer for you. How could that possibly be true when I give you so much?

GOD/DESS: The difference between "much" and "all" is quite large David.

DAVID: NO ONE gives you all. Everyone has some life outside of you.

GOD/DESS: This is bigger than just "some life." If it wasn't, you wouldn't fight for it this much.

DAVID: Is it just me? Or do you just have it in for Jewish actors? Maybe you just hate Him.

GOD/DESS: Not hate.

DAVID: Right. Jealous.

GOD/DESS: Damn right, jealous. You're not even that good to Him, but He got you first, so He'll always have his claim to you. You should be mine by rite. We found each other in my divine space. You should be a full convert. I give to Him, He should give back.

DAVID: He does. He let me see you.

GOD/DESS: Then maybe he just hates you.

DAVID: Maybe.

GOD/DESS: You're still miserable.

DAVID: And?

GOD/DESS: Why do you defend your misery? Escape it.

DAVID: That would be worse. Mourning whatever was lost would steal my life.

GOD/DESS: It's called sacrifice David.

DAVID: And this is called torment.

GOD/DESS: You really can't ever win, can you?

DAVID: As a rule.

GOD/DESS: Like His rules.

DAVID: No.

GOD/DESS: And this endless cycle continues. Poor baby.

DAVID: Why don't you make it easier for me?

GOD/DESS: I beg your pardon?

DAVID: Why not? You love me, right? I bend over backwards for you. Make it work for me.

GOD/DESS: Is this more of that stupid importance crap?

DAVID: No. Just work together, make it work for me.

GOD/DESS: What, change the rules? For you?

DAVID: Yes. Make a deal with me. Find a path that keeps Him happy and still satisfies you.

GOD/DESS: I'm not doing that for you. I will not compromise for you David, not after you humiliate me. Not ever. I can't. I'm not changing my functional relationship with Him just to please you.

DAVID: I said I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You're still here, you still love me, so show me.

GOD/DESS: Not like this.

DAVID: It's possible, isn't it? I've been finding ways to do it, successful or not. You're supposed to be a God, you can make it happen. I'm already your servant, change my work schedule.

GOD/DESS: No.

DAVID: No?

GOD/DESS: No! It's not possible! I'm not going to discuss it.

DAVID: You're lying. Again.

GOD/DESS: No, I'm not. You aren't getting a gift of 'no struggle' from me while you make no sacrifices. I don't give without take. Then I might as well be your servant, and I'm not sitting below Him AND you. I told you how this works. You need to choose one of us.

DAVID: And I told you how it works. I'm not demanding service. You are refusing to work with me. Why should I pick you?

GOD/DESS: He's not doing any better.

DAVID: He's constant.

GOD/DESS: I'M constant.

DAVID: He's eternal.

GOD/DESS: Yes, as 'eternal' and 'constant' as mom's "When are you going to get on with your life?"

DAVID: And Laura's "When are you going to get on with your life?" (Pause. DAVID sits, exhausted.) You're right. I am stuck with you.

GOD/DESS: Don't sound so excited.

DAVID: Are you crazy?

GOD/DESS: You want to be wanted, David. Aren't I giving you what you want?

DAVID: You insult me, you lie to me, you hurt me, and you mess with my head. This is not what I want!

GOD/DESS: A God, one you've proven your personal devotion to, comes to you with a personal plea. I throw myself at you. Lie to you. Threaten you. Plead with you. Insult you. Touch you. You feel needed, wanted, desired, scared, loved. I give you all this. A GOD. You are thankless, David.

DAVID: What do you expect of me? I didn't ask for this! In all our time together, I thought we had come to some sort of understanding, you know? Our years together, my sacrifices. I keep making sacrifices and you pretend they're nothing. Now that's not good enough. You tell me he's holding me back from happiness, but you know what? You're not helping. You hold me back. You tease me constantly with those prizes that I probably still wouldn't have even if I wasn't observant, holding them up to me as if they'll be mine if only I gave up a part of myself. I can't know and you won't promise, but you tease anyway. You want me to trade what I know for unsure faith, and it isn't fair. I lose no matter what I do. If I actually "get off the fence", take any extreme, it looks like a win, but it's just a loss. I sacrifice for nothing. You know that, and you choose to torture me. (Pause.) I'm tired.

GOD/DESS: I hold you back.

DAVID: No. And yes.

GOD/DESS: You want me to let you go, don't you?

DAVID: No. Well, I've thought about it. That's not the point.

GOD/DESS: Let you settle into a religious family life with a job you hate and let you blame me for the torture of that existence.

DAVID: Some types of misery are oddly appealing.

GOD/DESS: You've chosen him already.

DAVID: What do you mean, I've chosen him?

GOD/DESS: You think you can stop loving me. You've decided you can't stop being Jewish, but you think you can stop devoting yourself to me. I'm your lesser god. You give me all this time and you think you can take it away.

DAVID: I know it doesn't work that way.

GOD/DESS: Maybe I was wrong about you.

DAVID: You can't be wrong about me. Do you want me to say this is impossible? Where's the way out?

GOD/DESS: This won't work.

DAVID: What?

GOD/DESS: Jake, I can't do this.

DAVID: Oh no, I'm not finishing this play.

GOD/DESS: You'll never love me like I need you to. And he'll always be there.

DAVID: I'm not doing this.

GOD/DESS: It will never stop, Jake. Never, ever stop.

DAVID: Stop it, I'm not going to say his lines!

GOD/DESS: (Magically pulls a knife.) Goodbye, Jake.

DAVID: No! (DAVID tries to wrestle the knife from her to stop the suicide attempt.)
This doesn't have to be so dramatic! (The GOD/DESS looks at him with her own rage and turns the knife on him. He fights with her. He gets the knife and tosses it, manages to pin the GOD/DESS to the floor.) Stop, this won't win me! Look, I don't know how to make it work, ok? He has my soul, you have my heart. I don't win here. (She stops struggling.) It would be easy if I never met you, but I did, so now you have me. Damn it, I love you, but you're always going to be "the other woman." (DAVID kisses her, and then gets up. She stays on the floor.) I'm sorry. I'll always be fucking sorry.

GOD/DESS: You do love me, don't you?

DAVID: Always. And nothing will ever get solved. Deal with it. Let me be.

GOD/DESS: (The GOD/DESS rises from the floor.) I can't accept it.

DAVID: I know. Then there's nothing I can do there's nothing I will do.

GOD/DESS: How do you do it?

DAVID: What?

GOD/DESS: Deal with it. You are a mystery to me.

DAVID: I don't know. I don't. I fail most of the time.

GOD/DESS: "The other woman." You're going to leave me, aren't you?

DAVID: No.

GOD/DESS: They'll never stop hounding you. The friends, the folks

DAVID: Yes.

GOD/DESS: He'll never soften for you.

DAVID: I know.

GOD/DESS: They'll never understand.

DAVID: No surprise.

GOD/DESS: They'll hate you for it.

DAVID: No change.

GOD/DESS: You'll never get married.

DAVID: That's entirely possible.

GOD/DESS: You'll never have children.

(Pause.)

DAVID: That's a shame.

GOD/DESS: It'll never stop hurting.

DAVID: Love hurts.

(Pause. The GOD/DESS crosses the room and picks up the discarded knife. She replaces it on her person.)

GOD/DESS: Time to go. (They both walk towards the door. As they reach it, the GOD/DESS stops.)
So more tomorrow then?

DAVID: Of course.

(They exit. Blackout.)

- THE END -