aenemated

shit. i can't sleep. it's fucking 3:21am -- i spent at least an hour just laying there. got up, had a smoke, tried again, nothing.

fuck. fuck fuck. i have too much work to do tomorrow to sleep in again. i haven't been to work before 11am once this week because i've gone out every night.

of course, all i want to do is find her. she's hard to get in touch with and, as her friend told me, quite the free spirit. for all i know, she could be in the congo right now. she has no cell phone, the place at which she's stayin has no land line (well, neither do i) and she rarely checks her email. the only way to find her is go to her work and hope she's there.

twice this week that hasn't been the case.

damn.

of course, two weeks ago i said 'i'm over it' and she popped up and i had the greatest day in recent memory. so i'm going to hang on to that. i believe what she said to me; whether that makes me naive or not i don't much care. just kinda sucks to go to sleep thinking of her, wake up thinking of her and not really know when i'll see her again.

of course, maybe this'll change. maybe she's getting rid of all the drama she mentioned and will soon be knocking on my door with her stuff.

that'd be nice.

weird. i had FOUR going at once. and dropped every fucking one of them the first chance i got. for her.

hm. the gods wouldn't let me do something THAT stupid if it weren't for a good reason, right?

'i cant ignore the things that you said
and i can't escape whats inside my brain ...'