I have this book called "Happy Cruelty Day" that I absolutely love.
Today is April 2nd. Also known as "Visit with your assassin friend day."
"Thanks for making time for me," Jenny will say, pouting.
She's always been this way. Back when she was working those late hours as an editor at MSNBC, she'd berate anyone who dared schedule a birthday party when they knew she'd be at work. And now that she's an assassin and she has to disappear to another continent for four to eight months at a time, everyone is supposed to drop everything for this long series of "Good-bye Jenny' events.
"I guess now I know how little you'll be missing me when I'm gone."
Tell her, "You act like you were sentenced to go into this line of work. You get paid $75,000 for pulling a trigger on a gun. And we're all supposed to feel sad because you have to go and live in Morocco for a while?"
"How'd you know I'm going to Morocco?" she'll ask.
Point to the plane ticket in her hand.
"FUCK!" She'll rip up the ticket and log into Orbitz.
"So are we getting drinks or what?"
"Just let me change my itinerary okay? Or were you hoping to be the one they would torture until you give up my location?"
Go wait outside on the stoop. She'll get weepy after a Cosmo, and it'll be nice to say good-bye to her. Until she has that Cosmo, though, just bite your tongue.
Happy Visit With Your Assassin Friend Day!
---
The only book better is my book of totally random and pointless facts that you just don't need to know.
(i.e. it's illegal to cross the street in Hartford, CT on your hands.)
Today is April 2nd. Also known as "Visit with your assassin friend day."
"Thanks for making time for me," Jenny will say, pouting.
She's always been this way. Back when she was working those late hours as an editor at MSNBC, she'd berate anyone who dared schedule a birthday party when they knew she'd be at work. And now that she's an assassin and she has to disappear to another continent for four to eight months at a time, everyone is supposed to drop everything for this long series of "Good-bye Jenny' events.
"I guess now I know how little you'll be missing me when I'm gone."
Tell her, "You act like you were sentenced to go into this line of work. You get paid $75,000 for pulling a trigger on a gun. And we're all supposed to feel sad because you have to go and live in Morocco for a while?"
"How'd you know I'm going to Morocco?" she'll ask.
Point to the plane ticket in her hand.
"FUCK!" She'll rip up the ticket and log into Orbitz.
"So are we getting drinks or what?"
"Just let me change my itinerary okay? Or were you hoping to be the one they would torture until you give up my location?"
Go wait outside on the stoop. She'll get weepy after a Cosmo, and it'll be nice to say good-bye to her. Until she has that Cosmo, though, just bite your tongue.
Happy Visit With Your Assassin Friend Day!
---
The only book better is my book of totally random and pointless facts that you just don't need to know.
(i.e. it's illegal to cross the street in Hartford, CT on your hands.)
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