abashima

Do you enjoy movies that are simple in plot, character, sets—well everything really? Then may I recommend Nowhere, which its movie poster tells you everything you need to know about it. (Weird title tho.) Unnecessarily complex setup doesn’t get in way of great performance. Great background movie.

Do you enjoy exemplary horror with a fresh story, great acting, great direction (and outstanding visuals), and solid, strong writing—and worthy scares? Then may I recommend His House, whose secret is hanging supernatural horror onto a great IRL story that’s endemic with dread, anxiety, fear & pain.

While I’m on vacation, I restrict myself to doing max one thing a day. Today’s plan is wrapping Christmas gifts. 🎁

Do you like movies that take a 24-minute episode of The Twilight Zone (S2E5 “The Howling Man”), remove all interesting parts, then stretch the remainder thin over 85 minutes like Silly-Putty over a newspaper comic to get the copy? Then may I recommend I Trapped the Devil, a Christmas movie that shouldn’t unwrapped.

Do you enjoy by-the-numbers lost memory thrillers that do not, under any circumstance, deviate from the formula—including not having any twists? Then may I recommend Secret Obsession, which has one job, does it perfunctorily, then rolls the credits. Great if you need something on in the background.

Company holiday party concluded! And, with that, my completely relaxing vacation begins! No work or, importantly, extroversions until 2024! Such a relaxing relief! I’m going to spend it doing what I love most: playing video games, watching movies, and loving on my poly loves! 🥰🥰🥰

Do you enjoy 1952 message movies (this one about treating disturbed criminals with psychiatric therapy to prevent future worse criminal behavior) that are one half film noir, one half police procedural, with a good lead and a good director? Then may I recommend The Sniper which, depressingly, could have the same message today and would—does—meet with the same resistance.

My additional wife did something amazing: she hand crafted a giant advent calendar for my polycule out of a shoe rack! Treats in each pocket for me, wife, her additional husband, and our three cats. It has lights!! It’s so grand and wonderful!! She’s so skilled, incredible, and loving! 🎄💥 ❤️💚✨

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Do you enjoy action movies that feel more like an episode of Doctor Who with budget? Then may I recommend Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, which didn’t make much sense even as an IJ movie, and had too many chase sequences, scenes, and writers. It’s good, big production, just not super great.

Do you enjoy otherwise well directed non-scary horror movies that start well, fall apart, and then end up flat and boring? Then may I recommend Exorcist: Believer, which has one creepy half-second subtle zinger and then nothing else forever.

One of Sir Percival Softpaws’s favorite days is fresh sheet day.

Do you enjoy terrible movies? Then may I recommend The Ritual Killer, a slipshod patchwork of disjointed mediocrity that, in an act of explicable hubris that defies imagination and weakens my faith in humanity, sets itself up for a sequel.