So I've been pretty quiet lately. Reasons abound.
My dad is in the hospital - has been since Tuesday.
We originally thought it was a heart attack - it wasn't. Then the doctors thought it was gallstones. But all the tests they've done don't show any.
All they know is that he has pancreatitis. It's basically a deterioration of the pancreas, usually associated with heavy drinking ... but my dad doesn't drink at all.
So, I've been a wreck since Tuesday. I've always had a fear of my dad dying - he's kinda the central pivot of my family. It's just him, my mom and me, and my mom has a grade 5 education - so if he were to die, I'd be left to take care of her - which hey, she's my mom - of course I would. But at the same time ... I'm turning 24 next Friday - I don't want to be a primary care provider for someone twice my age.
And of course ... I'm just not ready for him to go. I guess I never will be ... but ... I'm just not ready to face the world alone. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here and what part of the world I am supposed to play - I'm not ready to grab the ropes and act my part.
I've been trying to put on the brave face, and it's kinda working I guess. But inside I'm just torn up.
I was kinda alright with what the doctor said on Wednesday - that he was getting better. Then I went searching for information about pancreatitis and found out that the complications from it can range from diabetes to heart failure.
Sure, everyone might expect either no complication, or diabetes at the least ... but I've got this nagging feeling that it'll be something worse.
My dad is close to 300lbs, so I'd suspect his heart isn't all up to 100% working order as it is - he doesn't need this shit to go along with it.
All I can say is that alot of greenery has entered my system in the past couple of days and it sucks that a lot of my friends are away right now.
I kinda need someone to chat with ... a shoulder to lean on, etc.
So ... lemme be stupid here and throw this out - if there is anyone in the Toronto area that doesn't mind someone yammering on about shitty stuff and possibly enjoys the green stuff, please feel free to contact me. I need another human to talk to - and although I hate to say it, strangers are great people to chat with.
On the plus side ... I got the day off work - so I don't have to deal with any idiots today. That helps the stress level.
And ... I have no real idea as to how to end this drivel, so ... I shall just ask what the best thing before sliced bread was.
My dad is in the hospital - has been since Tuesday.
We originally thought it was a heart attack - it wasn't. Then the doctors thought it was gallstones. But all the tests they've done don't show any.
All they know is that he has pancreatitis. It's basically a deterioration of the pancreas, usually associated with heavy drinking ... but my dad doesn't drink at all.
So, I've been a wreck since Tuesday. I've always had a fear of my dad dying - he's kinda the central pivot of my family. It's just him, my mom and me, and my mom has a grade 5 education - so if he were to die, I'd be left to take care of her - which hey, she's my mom - of course I would. But at the same time ... I'm turning 24 next Friday - I don't want to be a primary care provider for someone twice my age.
And of course ... I'm just not ready for him to go. I guess I never will be ... but ... I'm just not ready to face the world alone. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm here and what part of the world I am supposed to play - I'm not ready to grab the ropes and act my part.
I've been trying to put on the brave face, and it's kinda working I guess. But inside I'm just torn up.
I was kinda alright with what the doctor said on Wednesday - that he was getting better. Then I went searching for information about pancreatitis and found out that the complications from it can range from diabetes to heart failure.
Sure, everyone might expect either no complication, or diabetes at the least ... but I've got this nagging feeling that it'll be something worse.
My dad is close to 300lbs, so I'd suspect his heart isn't all up to 100% working order as it is - he doesn't need this shit to go along with it.
All I can say is that alot of greenery has entered my system in the past couple of days and it sucks that a lot of my friends are away right now.
I kinda need someone to chat with ... a shoulder to lean on, etc.
So ... lemme be stupid here and throw this out - if there is anyone in the Toronto area that doesn't mind someone yammering on about shitty stuff and possibly enjoys the green stuff, please feel free to contact me. I need another human to talk to - and although I hate to say it, strangers are great people to chat with.
On the plus side ... I got the day off work - so I don't have to deal with any idiots today. That helps the stress level.
And ... I have no real idea as to how to end this drivel, so ... I shall just ask what the best thing before sliced bread was.