_solipsist_

I wish I'd never lost contact with my voice of reason......
I haven't changed a bit in the 17 years since I received this letter:

"Hey my far away twinner...
you sound...blah.
Blah is as good as a word as any I assume.

Would you believe that out of seven windows in my apartment only two are whole with no cracks/missing panes/broken glass involved? The windows are old, old, old....and two of them have rotten frames (at least it seems that way to me....all that's for sure is the frames are broken.) The windows in the closet and the bathroom cannot be opened, for there is no screens in them (nor any tracking FOR screens due to them being half windows...) which really bites monkey lice because they would offer an amazing cross breeze being straight across from the kitchen window. My apartment isn't set up like a normal one....who knows, I might draw the lay out in paint & send it to ya, cuz it's damn near impossible to explain. ANYWAYS....yeah, so all the "usable" windows minus one (the kitchen) are FUBAR'd and I've been battling with Julie about fixing them since the day we moved in. I also have a waterfall in my closet, and water damage in the bathroom (which I've already remodeled once). There's a spot in the living room ceiling where...water damage....looks like it could cave any moment....and there are gaps in between the kitchen window trim & the corner. Painting always involved filling gaps and cracks with massive amounts of plaster....so yeah....apartment is far from kosher...though I have my ways of making it look like it at simple glance. It's one of the reasons why I get so angry when I see how much I'm paying for the shithole, knowing I could get a much nicer place at the same price....bigger & including utilities. But....family....right? Gotta fucking love them too. So to answer your question in a million useless words...yeah, the windows ARE broken...and quite often they become stuck open or closed, depending on what your desire to do with them is. (So a bit of everything I suppose...)


So you've figured things out a bit on your side of things, huh? Are you concrete in your beliefs? As for surrounding yourself with the best of the best to glimmer out what's going on with your body....I understand. I want to tell you that you, yourself, your body, etc....is worth more than you give credit to...but, I also think you deserve to surround yourself in good things too. The problem lays in the fact is that you're doing what I call "hole filling". There's an empty space inside of you, and you're trying to fill it with material things....which pretty much sums up any addiction problems out there in this world. Us humans, we're always trying to do it....some with drugs, booze, sex, the thrill of gambling/adrenaline rushes...some with sex, material objects, love objects (other people), religion, even work. We all do it to some degree, I guess except any one "enlightened" or whatever you want to call it. Problem is, the hole stays there, unfilled, unfulfilled, and we just keep piling on more and more of what we're trying to fill it with. ~kisses your forehead~ but I suppose you already know all that, huh?


Moving on...
Yes, you should get a bed dammit. I agree there....and there comes a point where you're going to have to give in a bit to the whole "only the best" thing....I mean, paper plates are great for not having to wash dishes and all, but in a way you're settling for the worst in the name of the best. Know what I mean jelly bean?

Know that I miss you & love ya in my own silly fashion.
And you are never too far from thoughts & worries.

me"

I wonder if her windows are still broken?
I eventually bought a bed......