And once again...insomnia. At least I don't have class today, or homework, for once. I hate not being able to sleep cause my stupid brain decides that it's a perfect time to start reminding me of everything. All of the things I have to do, all of my failures, all of my worries, etc. Which of course just makes it that much harder to sleep. And after looking at things, how my life is going, all that crap, just one thing comes to mind...
Had a talk with my sister last night that made me realize why I love my friends so much. Family doesn't care. They don't think I have any problems because I don't have cancer or a shitty wife or crap like they have going on. All they see is that I'm in college, I'm not an alcoholic/druggie/criminal, so surely I have nothing but school to worry about. I may not have those kinds of worries, but I still have more than my share of problems. And my friends listen, they understand, and they acknowledge that I too have issues. I tried talking to her about them and she dismissed them as nothing and went into her problems (she's a single, unemployed, alcoholic who decided she wants a kid and is convinced she can't have one). Crippling self doubt is still a problem damn it!
I worry a lot about very real issues. But all my family ever says is, "You're being stupid, you don't have real problems." That dismissive way they talk down to me really pisses me off.
But my friends, my real family, they actually listen. They help me out when I need it. Oh sure, the cat listens too, but that's just cause I don't let him leave.
Same goes for those of you who actually read this mess and comment when I bother to post. You guys are awesome.
Well, that's enough ranting from the sleep deprived, deranged writer. I'm gonna try to sleep now.
Had a talk with my sister last night that made me realize why I love my friends so much. Family doesn't care. They don't think I have any problems because I don't have cancer or a shitty wife or crap like they have going on. All they see is that I'm in college, I'm not an alcoholic/druggie/criminal, so surely I have nothing but school to worry about. I may not have those kinds of worries, but I still have more than my share of problems. And my friends listen, they understand, and they acknowledge that I too have issues. I tried talking to her about them and she dismissed them as nothing and went into her problems (she's a single, unemployed, alcoholic who decided she wants a kid and is convinced she can't have one). Crippling self doubt is still a problem damn it!
I worry a lot about very real issues. But all my family ever says is, "You're being stupid, you don't have real problems." That dismissive way they talk down to me really pisses me off.
But my friends, my real family, they actually listen. They help me out when I need it. Oh sure, the cat listens too, but that's just cause I don't let him leave.
Same goes for those of you who actually read this mess and comment when I bother to post. You guys are awesome.
Well, that's enough ranting from the sleep deprived, deranged writer. I'm gonna try to sleep now.
Have you ever tried meditating?
I don't try as often as I should to be proficient at it, but I've noticed it becoming easier. I just empty my mind and focus on the moment, my breathing, my body, the sounds and feelings around me. Whenever a stray thought pops in, I dismiss it as unimportant(no matter how important it actually is in life at the time.) I do this before I go to sleep, it has helped me quite a bit.