Lockbox
I've threatened it for years but this time I may just do it. I have the deadbolt in place and only one copy of the key was ever made. The door is made of pure titanium and the hinges are welded to the wall. The only window in the house has bars blocking anyone from coming in but more importantly keep anyone for leaving. I'm going to do it, I'm going to lock myself up, away from this painful world and the people who inhabit it.
Society is too painful to go on in. I can't be a part of it, it's apparent that people don't want me to be a part of it. I'd much rather spend my time alone in my steel cage where no interaction could go on. People don't find me clever, smart, witty, attractive, or someone they would want to hang out with. Why? The fuck if I know, maybe because Society doesn't want people who try. No they want to kiss ass to the one person who is the life of the party. The one person who is the center of the click. The person who has it all made and didn't have to lift a finger to get where they are. It's not only the people who are good at sports or the normal people. No you can find this in Punk Rock, Beat Nick, Indy Hipster, Theater Troop, Up Scale, Low Scale, Hip Hop, subgroups. Groups who pride themselves form being so different from the pack. Subcultures' who claim that they are comprised of nothing but social outcasts. So what are you, if you're an outcast in a group of outcast? You're just a pathetic being if you can't get along with people who are supposed to be your peers.
I want to hide. People have such hurtful words. People say they never mean what they say, but they do. A slip of the tong is just that, they've been thinking it. Sure its nature, but none the less, if they cared they wouldn't let it slip. No one cares for me. They puke venomous words, words that eat away at me. Fester until I can take it anymore. I explode in tears and uneasy tirades. I cry at night. The only thing that keeps me sane is the work. With out work I dwell on thing in the past. I can't stand who I am when I get to thinking about it.
That's why I'm locking myself in my room. I don't need to interact with people. Interacting with people will lead me to over thinking in the seconds of silence. Over thinking leads me to twist words and then to a twisted reflection of myself. I don't like people, so I avoid them. I can give a shit less about what they find interesting. They will just turn around and hurt me anyway. Armageddon could come tomorrow and I wouldn't bat an eye. It's not that I wish them death I just wish them to learn. Too bad they don't.
High school guidance councilors tell you that life is much better on the other side of graduation day. They say that people act with more compassion. They don't, they just give you fake sincerity and just wait their turn to talk. They don't listen to you or care about you. Any one of them would use you to make themselves look better. That's the nature of society.
I'm going to do it this time. Lock myself so that I can't get out. I have all I need. Enough food to last me years and I have a sink for water. I would only wash to avoid infection. It will be great, no pressure to deal with and sure the hell no society to tell me that I'm a lesser person. No one to talk down to me. No one to use me to better them selves. No one to leave me. No one to break my heart. I will sit in my house and write. Spend waking hour after waking hour typing about the Utopian society that should exist. Not this fake society who eats upon the emotion of the easily used. Not the moral decay that is inherent in society since the day our chimpanzee forefathers decided that living in a pack was better then living alone.
If I get lonely I can always use my neighbor's wifi connection. I can get onto message boards and chat rooms. Log onto myspace and comment on the pages of people who randomly add me, maybe see them on their web cam. I can pretend to be some one else. Some one who doesn't have emotion some one who belittles people. I can use my wit with out reproductions. That's the nature of the internet. It's a release for people like me. Maybe become a flame troll and get the attention I don't have in my life. That will make me feel better. I will tell these people that I matter and they don't.
If I need a female companion I always find a Suicide girl, I already have my favorites picked out. They are my type of girls. Anti-social just like me, but then again here I am with one friend and they have hundreds. No, I have a connection to them. I must, I mean we are kindred sprits. They read books other then Harry Potter. They understand Shakespeare and Vonnegut. They know of movies like Metropolis and Evil Dead. They read comic books and play video games. These women are goddesses among internet swine. They will be my lovers when I log on. When I bore of them I will find me a new one or close my browser and write some more.
In my fantasy these women will love me but the hypocrisy of it is if I saw a Suicide girl and the streets, I wouldn't be able to approach her. I'm social inept. While most kids learned to socialize in school I was busy with my gamboy beating Mario land. Maybe that's the appeal of such women, maybe they are socially inept too. No that's just a lie I tell myself. These women have friends. They are loved even if it is by guys with Dorito stained dicks.
Yes, this is it. I'm going to lock myself away. Leave this ugly world behind and enter my own. Nothing can stop me. It's better for the world if I just leave it. No one likes me, I'm not a popular person. I don't function well when I think someone likes me. I don't trust anyone who likes me but that's not my fault. It's theirs. Society made me this way. A hatefully fear filled man. I couldn't change if I tried. I'm leaving so far well so long. I will be locked in my home until I can no longer stand it or until I die. I can't wait for that day. I would say if I could go back and do it over again I'd change it, but we know that's a lie. I'd still escape into my own world. It's the only safe place.
I've threatened it for years but this time I may just do it. I have the deadbolt in place and only one copy of the key was ever made. The door is made of pure titanium and the hinges are welded to the wall. The only window in the house has bars blocking anyone from coming in but more importantly keep anyone for leaving. I'm going to do it, I'm going to lock myself up, away from this painful world and the people who inhabit it.
Society is too painful to go on in. I can't be a part of it, it's apparent that people don't want me to be a part of it. I'd much rather spend my time alone in my steel cage where no interaction could go on. People don't find me clever, smart, witty, attractive, or someone they would want to hang out with. Why? The fuck if I know, maybe because Society doesn't want people who try. No they want to kiss ass to the one person who is the life of the party. The one person who is the center of the click. The person who has it all made and didn't have to lift a finger to get where they are. It's not only the people who are good at sports or the normal people. No you can find this in Punk Rock, Beat Nick, Indy Hipster, Theater Troop, Up Scale, Low Scale, Hip Hop, subgroups. Groups who pride themselves form being so different from the pack. Subcultures' who claim that they are comprised of nothing but social outcasts. So what are you, if you're an outcast in a group of outcast? You're just a pathetic being if you can't get along with people who are supposed to be your peers.
I want to hide. People have such hurtful words. People say they never mean what they say, but they do. A slip of the tong is just that, they've been thinking it. Sure its nature, but none the less, if they cared they wouldn't let it slip. No one cares for me. They puke venomous words, words that eat away at me. Fester until I can take it anymore. I explode in tears and uneasy tirades. I cry at night. The only thing that keeps me sane is the work. With out work I dwell on thing in the past. I can't stand who I am when I get to thinking about it.
That's why I'm locking myself in my room. I don't need to interact with people. Interacting with people will lead me to over thinking in the seconds of silence. Over thinking leads me to twist words and then to a twisted reflection of myself. I don't like people, so I avoid them. I can give a shit less about what they find interesting. They will just turn around and hurt me anyway. Armageddon could come tomorrow and I wouldn't bat an eye. It's not that I wish them death I just wish them to learn. Too bad they don't.
High school guidance councilors tell you that life is much better on the other side of graduation day. They say that people act with more compassion. They don't, they just give you fake sincerity and just wait their turn to talk. They don't listen to you or care about you. Any one of them would use you to make themselves look better. That's the nature of society.
I'm going to do it this time. Lock myself so that I can't get out. I have all I need. Enough food to last me years and I have a sink for water. I would only wash to avoid infection. It will be great, no pressure to deal with and sure the hell no society to tell me that I'm a lesser person. No one to talk down to me. No one to use me to better them selves. No one to leave me. No one to break my heart. I will sit in my house and write. Spend waking hour after waking hour typing about the Utopian society that should exist. Not this fake society who eats upon the emotion of the easily used. Not the moral decay that is inherent in society since the day our chimpanzee forefathers decided that living in a pack was better then living alone.
If I get lonely I can always use my neighbor's wifi connection. I can get onto message boards and chat rooms. Log onto myspace and comment on the pages of people who randomly add me, maybe see them on their web cam. I can pretend to be some one else. Some one who doesn't have emotion some one who belittles people. I can use my wit with out reproductions. That's the nature of the internet. It's a release for people like me. Maybe become a flame troll and get the attention I don't have in my life. That will make me feel better. I will tell these people that I matter and they don't.
If I need a female companion I always find a Suicide girl, I already have my favorites picked out. They are my type of girls. Anti-social just like me, but then again here I am with one friend and they have hundreds. No, I have a connection to them. I must, I mean we are kindred sprits. They read books other then Harry Potter. They understand Shakespeare and Vonnegut. They know of movies like Metropolis and Evil Dead. They read comic books and play video games. These women are goddesses among internet swine. They will be my lovers when I log on. When I bore of them I will find me a new one or close my browser and write some more.
In my fantasy these women will love me but the hypocrisy of it is if I saw a Suicide girl and the streets, I wouldn't be able to approach her. I'm social inept. While most kids learned to socialize in school I was busy with my gamboy beating Mario land. Maybe that's the appeal of such women, maybe they are socially inept too. No that's just a lie I tell myself. These women have friends. They are loved even if it is by guys with Dorito stained dicks.
Yes, this is it. I'm going to lock myself away. Leave this ugly world behind and enter my own. Nothing can stop me. It's better for the world if I just leave it. No one likes me, I'm not a popular person. I don't function well when I think someone likes me. I don't trust anyone who likes me but that's not my fault. It's theirs. Society made me this way. A hatefully fear filled man. I couldn't change if I tried. I'm leaving so far well so long. I will be locked in my home until I can no longer stand it or until I die. I can't wait for that day. I would say if I could go back and do it over again I'd change it, but we know that's a lie. I'd still escape into my own world. It's the only safe place.
merlowe:
Hello, I will hate you enough to be your friend!?