Sunday Oct 30, 2005

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Just a quikie here cuz I'm exhausted--I have been in the hospital since my leaving--Was a particulary bad experience though as always I learn something more about myself out of everything--Well I hope--Anyways I'll type about it later--It will be a long entry to say the least--Love all you guys very very much--Have missed the home and people I have found here........ kiss


Alexis
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vacuity:

I hp you feel better now !! kiss kiss kiss
love ya !

jenya:

you amaze me!!!
kiss kiss kiss

Saturday Oct 15, 2005

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I will give a proper update when things have settled and I have the other puter back--Using my dads puter--Should have seen the look on his face when he saw the addy to this site hahaha biggrin --Awww his little girl is all grown up and likes girls!!--Anyways love all you guys very much and hope to be on here more often soon kiss



Alexis
love
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satyrius:

Hugs and kisses my sweet kiss kiss smile smile love love .
We must someday have an in depth chat about the world outside normal perception.What do you think? Let me know.Take care.
S.

telepathboy:

I'll be glad to see you back!!!

Wednesday Oct 05, 2005

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Having finally slept this morning I'm feeling a bit more grounded though the fatigue is always present and I'm still hacking my head off though my lungs are back where their supposed to be lol--And of course I'm always hooked to my earphones listening to Corvus Corax--Ore Dragonis--Music calms my thoughts and keeps me connected to my emotions--I have the rather...
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kaleidoscopic:

hi...thanks for the kind words in the group...i was out of town for a funeral. you're so right...kiss kiss

oh and while i'm here...

I ♥ VNV NATION!!! i saw them live in june. it was my graduation present from my bf and a great way to celebrate my thesis being accepted!

i feel your pain on the thoughts struggling <big big big hug> you'll pull through...you're stronger than they are. kiss

amberxrose:

hope all is ok

Friday Sep 30, 2005

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"Empty isn't she?".....Here at the turbulent and bumpy end of trying to sleep I find myself alone in this hotel room-Normally I would enjoy the solitude--I can experience all my messy emotions alone better and since the numbness has all but melted the past week I have been feeling their heavy sighs and inarticulated pains--And now I don't want to be alone--I...
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shakti:

the comment you left in my journal was unbelievably insightful and compassionate. i am not used to that sort of intimacy with strangers. i read your journal. so sad but your words are fucking beautiful. such a gift.

jenya:

wanted to give you a bunch of
kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss

Thursday Sep 29, 2005

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Why do I bother?
Because it is my way
Why do I bother?
I never could play the worlds cruel games

So here am now naked and afraid
Walking through shattered glass
Vulnerability dancing across my face
So here I stand eyes betraying my past

Did I disappoint you?
And for the sake of my sanity
Give me a chance I never knew
These words...
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fyrestarter:

I never went to Bandalier. But I did go to your home-town a few times. I really loved Santa Fe, it was just so freaking expensive to live there!! smile

x_obscure_x:

I've missed you too smile It's been ages since we last talked it feels like.How have you been lately?? I love you and hope to talk to you soon.

Sunday Sep 25, 2005

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Hurting needless to say...some days defeated..some days hopeful...but always hurting


Please forgive me my mistakes
As I sit here at the bitter end of a thought to fast to late
Where is my foundation and why I do hide the the cuts and weight of every little scar
Tethered to the chains of burning stars

But deep inside there is a soul...
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sistervanian:

Thanks! Yeah it's wonderful, the rough time is over and has been replaced by the time that I
consider to be the time of my life. Soon to be spent with the love if my love. He and I decided that all things happen for a reason and were it not for that dark chapter and the time I took to recover from the absolute sickness and disgust of it, we might not have fallen so deeply in love when we did.

Looking forward to the Best Christmas Ever!
Spending it with my sweet down to earth beautiful Gothic Genious Soulmate, (he's moving here permanently to be with me before
the holidaze) Yeee!
Hugs!
Samantha Maria

sistervanian:

We're both pretty sure that our moment will last a lifetime. Both of us are very much in love. And he's an Aussie guy which makes it all the better. We understand each other on levels that would take epics to to explain. And yeah, we will cherish every second. He's visiting the passport office as I write this and planning on moving in with me and staying permanently in late December! We are both very excited!
*hugs*
Samantha Maria

Sunday Sep 18, 2005

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Well definitely time to update though lately I seem to be at a loss for words and am suffering from writers block--I'd pull my hair out in frustration but I don't have enough to do that with lol--But yes we (my family) are still living out of a hotel--It's been over 2 months--What can I say but kennel fever--These walls seem to...
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amberxrose:

i want to be in our cave!!!!! love you tons
amber

jenya:

Wednesday Aug 31, 2005

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To someone who I admire and adore from afar.....


Don't fade away
My blue-eyed girl
Come walk with me
I'll fill your heart with joy
And we'll dance through our isolation
Seeking solace in the wisdom we bestow
Turning thoughts to the here and everafter
Consuming fears in our fiery halos


Say what you mean
Mean what you say
I've heard...
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jenya:

hey, i changed my name too! coolio!
guess we had some psychicness going on
tongue

xk3zofrenik:

not bad. I am going to put my writing in the web more. Today i bought the domain name for place. By next month i should have it up and running and writing regularly.

Monday Aug 29, 2005

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Hmm finally found the motivation to write a more thorough update as depression and this suffocating hotel room have kept me down--On a good note the internet connect here is free and we actually have a Broadband connection!!--Damn dial-up lol--Anyways we are hoping to be in a home within the next month though thinking about it temporarily scrambles the neurons in my brain--Ohh wait...
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telepathboy:

It's good to have you back sweetie.. I missed you smile

I hope your life is someplace much better now, yes yes?

x_obscure_x:

Welcome back <333 I've missed you! I hope you don't have to live in the hotel much longer and that you find a place to live. Beautiful poems. I love you lots and hope to talk to you more soon.

Tuesday Aug 23, 2005

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I apologize as this will be a drive by update lol ----Just wanted to say hi and relate how much I love and miss you all--I promise a better update when I can and when my mood permits it--I'm going thru some shit I thought I would never have to revisit again--But *HUGS*--I kiss love


Lexi
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yuriel:

dear lexi you are super awesome and i miss you smile
-hugs tight-
i hope you are doing swell as can be and get your rest and such.
EL SUICIDO LOCO

satyrius:

Wow big Hugs. kiss kiss Stay strong and Stay safe.
S.

Thursday Jun 16, 2005

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Evoke the memories that haunt
Forged in blood and fire,pain and virulent desire
Close your eyes and remember,pictures behind eyelids
Always there like scars pulling at bruised skin

I- don't- want- you- to- go
I- don't- want- you- to- go
As I scramble to collect the pieces,pieces of me
Please
Please
Don't- go, says the face in the mirror...
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hotpockets:

It's like pornography. There is no definition, but you can definitely recognize it when you see it.

hotpockets:

Sometimes there are just limits on people's capabilities! smile

From phedra

I will hunt anybody down and do unmentionable things to them if they say one bad word about my sis mad