I wish i could cry or kill myself

But i don't work that way

I wish could forget about her or let her go

Buti don't with that way either.

All i do is think about her and how i fucked up

Am i do is think about how i love her so

This table is not a bed
But is still where I’ll lay my head
I’ll try to close my eyes
But it’s no real surprise
No sweeter dreams will ever come
Since yours was the best I’ve had
All that I needed, you were the one

if I was so remiss that I dreamed about her wouldn't that mean that while waking I was left wanting?

Since that's far from the case, and since let's face it, I've been sleep deprived for years.. It is weird that while she was a dream come true.. And I often thought of our future together.. I don't usually dream...
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I'm really trying to get used to the idea of not talking to you

I'm trying to get used to the reality of being forced to stalk your profiles until you want to talk

I'm trying to get used to the idea of you not being around

I've got to get used to the idea you never want to be around...
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I don't want to be right

I don't want to be wrong

I just want us to be happy

I just want 'us' to work

Hook your arm into mine

And let's away from this madness

But if you are wont to such fancy and do not flee it

I'll suffer it no longer nor you to my foolishness

I'm starting to truly despair that helping people is causing me to fail at finding a lover or partner. And that the only way is to set empathy aside and just claim one. It doesn't help that my only girlfriend.. I had no intention of being her friend. I just accepted her as a responsibility and did everything I could to help her...
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I finally got it!
The story of how I got the Crux and finally upgraded is longer than I care to l write about in detail but the short version is that I didn't want the gun to begin with. What what what?! But since I got it unexpectedly anyway, and managed to upgrade it, it is worth it? Sort of.
Well, I mean...
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Because I thought it was a promise that I couldn't keep. I know that I could keep it and I have proven to myself that I can.

But though I tell her daily that I love her and would want more than anything for her to by my wife, so that we can begin to make plans to unite and share our lives, to...
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Weird. I guess no videos are getting uploaded to the site. That sucks. Tried to post one just to see but nothing new in 5 days. 😩