From zui

 0

I'M SHARING THE COMIC RELIEF....

TESTIMONIALS I WROTE TO SOME LOVELY FUCKING SG FANS!


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Zui said on
August 08 2004 10:39PM
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Man I got so wasted with this guy one night.....

I had just got done boosting my ego by beating up a street gang of midgets...He asked me to have a drink and I agreed to...

It was a Friday night see...and we were chillin' at the local pub reminiscing of the event's that had just taken place. We took shot after shot making one of those silly drunken games out of it. After several rounds we had had enough. I had fallen off my bar stool and he had some how lost his left shoe. So we ventured out to embark on yet another wacky adventure.

We walked for what seemed like 2 seconds but was really a mile or so from the bar. We had gotten lost in a strange new neighborhood so we thought we'd make a name for our self's here. It was a very lovely little town with BMW's in almost every driveway, and beautiful flowers blooming in every yard. Ahh yes beautiful indeed.... TWITCHMC02 had come up with a super idea ... " lets piss on that person's flowers!.. ahh ahah!!" He said drunken and almost falling over as he spoke. " Fucking right! Lets do....." I stopped my self in mid- sentence. "What evers the matter Zui?" TWITCHMC02 Asked. I didn't say anything in response. Then he saw an odd liquid dripping down my fishnet stockings. " God damn it I pissed myself again." I whined. " Oh Zui you silly girl, I have a better idea I'll piss on those flowers while you shit on them, ya know seeing that you've used up all your urine."
"That's the best idea I've heard all day!" I screeched
So there me and TWITCHMC02 were, him pissing on that poor person's daffodils, and I was squatting letting nature take over. It was actually very relaxing for a moment until.... I lost control and drunkenly fell over into my own pile of poo! He was still pissing so his stream hit my head and some leaked into my eye. " I start screaming in agony " My eye.. Holy shit I can't see!! It burns it burns!!" While I'm running around in circles in the person's front yard the owner of the home comes charging out. "What the fuck are you kids doing in my god damn yard!" an old women (who looked to be almost 90 years old) yelled. " What the fuck happened to my garden! you discust...." TWITCHMC02 and I then took off running into the woods near by, although we didn't get away very fast due to his left shoe being missing and my pants were still down at my ankles. We decided to hide out in those woods just long enough for everything to calm down.
But seeing as I was covered in urine and my own fesses I started to attract flies and other insects. It was very annoying, having to swat them away every other second. TWITCHMC02 then had another fantastic idea ::light bulb goes on::
" I know Zui....I know what we can do to help that stench." He then pulls my hand drags me around in the woods for a while.... Time goes by and I'm covered in poo still. As well as tree branches being stuck to me by the poo and bugs. Ugh it was so gross. I didn't really seem to mind at the time because I was oh so drunk.
Finally we stops.. " There see Zui!" he points. "A creek for you to wash off in."
" Oh thank fucking god" as I smiled.
I jump right in clothes and all and after a little while of splashing around I noticed something on my legs and butt... : what the hell is this!" I yell TWITCHMC02 walks over from the tree branch he found to sit on. " It looks to me... like.. A leech."

"ahh fuck this! Get them off!!" I screamed but it was too late I started to get dizzy and I then fell over, my face landed in the creek. As a result a leech attached itself to my right eye. Which is why I have to wear this damn glass one now. ::sigh::
I woke up several hours later still in the wood's, and still a little drunk. TWITCHMC02 was still asleep so I crapped on his face, and then walked my self to the doctor's office. It turned out I had passed out from the leeches because my blood was so thin from getting fucking shit faced that day. Man oh Man that was a crazy night.
I still don't know when TWITCHMC02 woke up... he never really mentioned anything about that night. ::shrug::

ZUI



Zui said on
August 05 2004 11:33PM
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This is the true story of me and randumb_thought ...

randumb_thought and I were making out during a commercial break of Blind Date. ( our favorite show) When we were disturbed by a loud crash that seemed to be coming from our front porch. We both jump up from our lip lock and run to the window to see what was happening. " Whats out there randumb_thought? What could it be??" I whispered. "Stand clear my sweet zui, for I will investigate." he replied.
So randumb_thought opened the door and stuck his head out and looked around.. and before I knew it he was grabbed up by some kind of monster!! I screamed and hide behind the door like the pussy I am.
Several moments past and I heard nothing so I slowly and carefully leaned around the door to see what had happened. I then saw my make-out buddy dangling from a tree in the front yard by his ...................................foot.

I opened my mouth to scream but before anything could come out I was grabbed and tackled on to the ground by the monster that had attacked my poor sweet randumb_thought . ::Shakes head:: They then laid on top of me to make sure I couldnt move an inch. I tried to struggle my self away and plead for my freedom, but there was no use, No use indeed. 
I was laying there face down in the dirt, scared, not knowing what they had in for me. The next thing I knew my clothes were being torn off violently! I started to scream and cry but that didn't phase them one bit. No sir.
After they tore all my clothes off my body and fondled by ass for a moment. they rolled me over and to my surprise this was no monster at all ........ No In fact it was......
reagan 

Yes that's right. That silly girl. I started to giggle and we laughed for a moment and then started to make out hardcore. After we finished making out we then proceeded to piss on randumb_thought's car. Cause that's just how we roll.


randumb_thought survived but did have to spend 5 days in the hospital due to the tree branch jammed in his..........................foot.

He did however get to watch two fine fine ladies make out.

LOVE ZUI


Zui said on
August 04 2004 6:31PM
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Once me and this wacky guy were playing on the swing set by his house. We always took turns he would push me first then I would push him afterwards. So It was my turn this time I jumped on the swing and cried out " Push my high unfoundrockstar I want to fly with the eagles!!" So he began pushing with all his might. Higher and Higher I went I laughed out " Weeeeee!!! I'm having so much fun!!...Weeeee!!" He laughed along with me in delight. Soon I was going so high he couldn't keep up.. he backed off to let me slow down. But I said no, no..." I want to go higher unfoundrockstar higher I say!" he replies " But Zui if you go any high you might flip over."
I laughed and demanded he pushed me higher. So he starts pushing again and I start to soar.... higher than the trees and higher than the birds! I began to swing out of control the bottom of the swing hit unfoundrockstar in the face and knocked him out, leaving his face bloody and battered. I started to become worried and couldnt slow myself down I yelled out for help but unfoundrockstar was out cold. Then suddenly the swing flings me off as if it was alive, and I go flying onto the basketball court just in front of the swing set. I slide across the hot cement on my face and go tumbling across the court. I tried to stand but the fall left my leg broken and mangled. So I lay there waiting for help....
unfoundrockstar finally comes too and runs over to help me; he picks me up ripping the blood off my face. I look up at him and in that moment I....
threw up magenta puke all over his face. After I stopped puking I grabbed his face and started to violently force my self upon him. Rubbing puke and blood all over his body. After a few moments he started to enjoy it and started to kiss me back. I then opened my eyes and.....
Threw up in his mouth.
It truly was a magical moment between us. After I got out of the hospital for my broken leg and now horribly disfigured face. I tried to call unfoundrockstar but strangely no answer. ever. I just couldnt seem to get in touch with him. That is until now. I became a Suicide Girl and saw he was a member now I can remind him everyday about our wonderful experience together.





Zui




Zui said on
August 04 2004 5:45PM
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Ohhhh man!! ::Rubs hands together::


I remember this one time...


seanpahc and I were drinking and dumsterdiving one fine Saturday night. in D.C When we both grew somewhat bored. I had a great idea of causing some mischief....

So we both talked it over and came up with a great idea to shit all over cop's cars in the city. Cause were both just that metal!
Yes! A great idea it was. We must of shit on at least 20 patrol cars that night. I know what your wondering... How did we shit that much?? Well kid's never doubt out bouls..::shakes head:: never.
seanpahc even smeared my crap all over the windows of a few of the cars covering his hands in my poo. ::Nods:: That's true dedication. Ever since that night we've been true partners
and to this day were still shitting on cars.


Were actually going on tour later this month.
For information on this please post in your journal the following....

I want Zui to be in the next Suicide Girl Burlesque tour!

After you have posted the above, more information regarding the shit tour will be e-mailed to you.

Love Zui



Zui said on
August 04 2004 5:09PM
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Once I was making out with walkswithbears and my false teeth fell out in his mouth.

ZUI


Zui said on
August 04 2004 5:05PM
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Yo I shit on this guys lawn like 2 days ago!


true story.

Anyways.

I'm in love with him, which is a main reason I crap in his grass, Ive know him for years . We use to play hide and seek together when we were just kids. One time I was the hider and he was the seeker, except this time we were just a little older...


:ream sequence kicks in::



yeh I remember it like it was yesterday I was hiding under my parent's bed waiting for him to finish counting to 10.
7....8....9.......10!! Ready or not here I come he yelled!
He ran around the house searching, went into the kitchen, then my room, the living room, and bathroom, then finally my parents room. He looked in the closet but nothing...then in the laundry bin, but again he found nothing. He finally wised up and looked under the bed and I screamed "you bastard..alright you got me!" He pulled me out and we both laughed awhile all giddy from the good ol' fun we were having. I was feeling a little sleepy so I leaned back and laid on my parent's bed, he leaned back and laid down next to me. I didn't think much about it I mean we were just friends..Afterall.
::shrug::
He started to tickle my stomach a little and I giggled relaxing against a pillow. He then slowly started working his way up my stomach trowds my almost fully developed breasts. I started to feel a little strange but I ignored it and kept my eyes shut. He started to run a little harder, and getting closer and closer to me....
I look over at him and smirk " what are you doing SLEEPALLDAY what ever are you doing?" I said . He shrugs and continues. He started to rub just under my pants waist line and slowly started to go under my panties. I kind of moan and smile. Then just as he got his hand all the way in my underwear I .........
Let out an unbelievable fart ( I thought my stomach felt funny, But I thought it was just nerves) He looked over at me and slowly pulled his hand out of my panties. Then says.." Um.. I have to go eat diner now, I'm sure my mom's wondering where I've been."


He leaves and ever since that day our friendship has never really been the same.

I miss the good ol' days man!

Love Zui



Zui said on
August 04 2004 4:37PM
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I shit in this guy's locker in school once...
And why you might be asking your self?? Well I'll tell you why...


:onders::

I went to school with him and I always had a crush Gee wiz he was just swell I thought to myself. Just swell indeed. He was sucha hunk, " the cool kid in school" and I ..Well I wasn't exactly all that popular. I had a hard time in school I would always get nervous when I saw him and wet my panties. I couldn't control it no matter how hard I tried. Everyone always made fun of me for this and no one really knew I was peeing on my self out of love for DefaultArtist If only they knew I thought to my self sitting alone in the lunch room.
Sure I told people It was just juice, or lemonade but I couldnt fool anyone. Not even him.
::Slow sad music plays in the background::
I remember this one time I was going to tell him how I felt after holding in all those feelings and having to throw away all those pairs of pants over the years. I went to the bathroom and peed before hand to try to avoid another disaster. I felt confident and knew he would say he loved me back after hearing the speech I had prepared. Oh DefaultArtist look past the urine stains and horrific odor for I am in love with you and want to be with you forever. That was just the beginning of what I was to say to him that afternoon before lunch.
BUT as I was approaching him in the hallway I felt my nerves overwhelming me "oh no! " I said to my self will this be another embarrassing pissing moment for me? I felt my stomach turn and my hands sweat.. when suddenly he turns from his group of friends and looks right at me.. I open my mouth to begin my speech for him. and then............. 
It happens... No not me urinating all over my self but worse. Yes worse indeed. I had already emptied my blatter so I couldnt pee anymore so instead I ended up crapping all over myself right in front of him, and his friend's. He started to point and laugh " look everyone Zui shit her pants! " Evereyone joined in laughing and taunting me.
I ran away crying and yelling out " No No I didn't its Twinkies. Its Twinkies!!!!!!"
Then to make the whole day worse Lunch Lady Doris sat me next to him at lunchtime! I couldn't believe it... Fuck that school's funding issues. Didnt anyone care about my emotions?

:lease refer to my testimonial page if your lost.::



I suppose those traumatizing days at school made me stronger... In return I grew up to become an Internet porn star.


Love Zui




Zui said on
August 04 2004 4:13PM
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Oh you!
I meet this guy at a public swimming pool a few years ago...

::dream sequence starts::

I was splashing around having a good ol' time with my yellow arm floaties on , sunscreen globed on my nose, and earplugs in. I was the hot chick of the neighborhood at that time. ::dusts shoulders off::
When Nick667 swam up to me and asked if I wanted to make out in the deep end, and ohh man! I was like " oh you know I do baby" So we swam over to the big kids end and found our self's a nice spot under the diving board. We started going at it real hot and heavy when suddenly our lip locking was interfered by strange bubbles surfacing the water all around us. He was like " hey what's going on??" I shrugged and we continued...Then again the bubbles appeared. We both separate and look all around us and we discover Smelly Joe ( the smelly kid in class) was in the water just behind us starring the whole time! " What the fuck Joe what do you want, can't you see were trying to make out here!!??" I say. And just as I say that an odd brown substance hit me in the ear. I look to see what it was and Nick667 screams "AHHH!!!" Then he sinks himself down to the bottom of the pool... as he's rising back up to the surface I notice he brought something back up with him. " Whats on your head man?" I say... He then placed his hand on his head and grabs it.
( thinking it was just a leaf or something) Then I scream, " oh gross its pooo!!" and we both freak out.
Turns out Smelly Joe had crapped all over the deep end of the pool while watching me and Nick667 making out. The whole pool was evacuated and we didn't notice the lifeguards waving everyone out because we were too busy making out hardcore. With poo floating around us at that! UGH

Man still to this day I can't go swimming in a public pool

Mad love from zui



Zui said on
August 04 2004 3:45PM
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Oh boy.. this young man saw me mess my undies. Hoe embarrassing that was indeed.
::shrug::

I saw him just a few days ago at a park....

::dream sequence starts::


Yes it was a beautiful summer afternoon the birds were singing, flowers blooming, bee's mating. Ahh yes..It was magical really. I was fishing at a pond near by wearing my straw hat, yellow rubber boots, and hot pink mini skirt. Lookin' fucking hot I must say! When FERMION walked by me and asked to sit and fish with me. I said that was fine because I needed a little help anyways. So he sits and gives me a few pointers, we flirt a little and goof around..Ya know. Then I finally get something on my line! I was so excited but didn't really know what to do so I give the fishing pole to him so he can pull in my sweet ass fish I had caught. He was tugging on it for a few moments saying " It's fine I almost have it" I suppose he was trying to put me at ease, not wanting me to think he didn't know what he was doing. ::shrug::
So I stand back and it seemed to me that the fish was winning this battle because he was getting pulled closer and closer to the water's edge. Then he must have lost his balance because he was pulled suddenly into the pond! I screamed and ran closer to the water... but FERMION was pulled under. I looked around the water's surface hoping to see some motion or air bubbles. But no I saw nothing.
I leaned over the water waiting...for several moments when suddenly he pops back up screaming in pain!!! 

He climbs out of that pond a different man, oh yes VERY DIFFERENT.


It turns out that was no fish on the other end of that line.. no no kids. Not a fish at all... ::creepy music kicks in:: That my friends was a giant snapping turtle. yes.. EKK indeed
As FERMION was under the water's surface for all those long agonizing moments the turtle had chewed through his male genital a!!

But all is well after our day at the park we went to a local hospital and he had a 3 hour surgery to re attach his penis. I believe he told me it functions just as it is suppose to now. ::nods:: Your a survivor kid don't you ever forget it!



ZUI




Zui said on
August 04 2004 3:21PM
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Ahh yes I remember this one..
I think we met in France. ::sigh::

Anyways.

I did see him again about a month ago at a show in Utah.. Good Ol' UTAH. Man those kids are rock stars ***
We rocked out and were having a gay ol' time when suddenly he started sweating profusely and making odd faces. I asked him what was the matter but he couldn't seen to talk, very strange indeed I had thought... he then started to run to the restroom facilities but right before he had made it into the Men's room he quickly stopped in his tracks. I ran over to help him but before I could even get a few feet in front of him I hit a wall of horrible odor that just about knocked me out.
::shakes head::
Poor thing messed his pants... I took him into the bathroom and calmed him down. ( he was very upset) I convinced him to come rock out with the rest of us and ignore the load weighing down his trousers. After all that's how those Utah kid's roll I suppose.
::shrug:: No one even noticed.


I love you man!
ZUI




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