SG HOMEWORK: How has SG changed my life?

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This will probably be a little bit different of an angle than a lot of responses to this question. It's something I've thought a lot about over the years, especially the last 1-2. @lego and I have discussed it a few times, usually with some laughter and a tone of total awe at the way one little decision can completely redirect your course...
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VIEW 25 of 45 COMMENTS
ryker:
aside from the obvious- your natural ability to capture an audience with your words, i loved everything about this blog. your journey is inspiring, as are you. i love you more than words can say. you've made this place a home for me <3
ryker:
and all these pictures brought back all the best memories. 

ATTENTION!

16

I have a serious question for everyone:

If, over the course of striking up a brief, friendly conversation / encounter with a stranger or employee somewhere, you unknowingly ask a question that has a very uncomfortable or awkward or painful answer, .. would you prefer them to give you a white lie to avoid the awkwardness [for you] or give a short and sweet version of the...
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VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
chrysis:
@shaneq I've said that very sentence before. So. 
waltz7:
The problem with telling a lie is you might have to keep telling more lies to cover it up. Maybe best for them just to say that they prefer not to talk about such things.

I carry lifetimes of guilt inside of me, awake or not.

14

Last night, in my dream, I was driving down a winding, white stone road .. the kind from back home, that crackles under your tires and spits and spins the pebbles out everywhere. I was going probably about 40mph, but driving carelessly. My driver’s side tire caught the very edge of the road and tore me onto the grass. I tried to rip my steering...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
carnivall:
This might be the only time I didn't mind hearing about someone else's dream.
dgmac:
your descriptions of the clarity in your dream are amazing. I can hear the crunching roadway and feel the pain of your horror and subsequent sadness. I have them occasionally too, and I wake up gasping for breath. it takes time to settle down and realize...it was just a dream...

Meta.

18

I am shamefully aware.

Every time I post about my mother, about grief, about death, I am shamefully aware of how many months it's been since she passed, and that I don't know anyone else who acts this way.

I feel, each time, similar to the fat kid who cannot keep from returning to the fridge for more helpings after a meal, when
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VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
theechomaker:
I still haven't gotten over my twin's brush with death four years ago. When I think about it, which is often and distressingly morbid, I feel myself well up, my airways constricting, my chest tightening -- as if the mercy of his living didn't really happen. For three weeks he was in a coma, an almost-certain scratch from this world. And for those three weeks, my world ended; it was like a loud ringing in the ear, diluting or eliminating all other senses, honing in on a tunnel-like sensation. This is what almost losing my other half, as I call him, did to me. Four years later, to even remember is like certain death all over again. I can't even quantify what losing him would do to me, but I assure you, my grief would probably look a lot like yours. And I would feel marooned in my grief, the never-ending shower of that sadness. I say this not to relate, because that's as close as I've come, but to at least empathize, and, on some intellectual level, understand.
prharris:
I know I am a little late from when this blog was written, but I wanted to say something. About three years ago I lost my dad and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He was my best friend, gaming parter, musical parter, and many more things. If I needed him to be my dad and give me fatherly advised, he would give it to me. If needed him to just be a friend and joke around, he would be that guy. If I needed to talking about things going on in my life, he would listen. He was a major part of my support system. Losing him made me feel hallow. I became reclusive and apathetic. Things I used to enjoy I didn't find joy in any longer. I had to force myself to put on a face for people. This manifested itself as depression and anxiety, which I still struggle with today. I took me to the one year anniversary of his death to be able to start coping and moving on with my life.  I am still not the same and never will be. We all deal with grief in different way. There is no manual or book that can truly capture what is is like to lose people who you are close to. It is an individual path that we all take differently. Never let any tell you how you should feel or how you should be reacting. There is nothing wrong with remembering what has happened and reliving. I think about my dad on a daily basis. I wish I could call him and tell him so many things. Reliving his passing and remembering him, living in that pain, has inspired me. You should never feel like a glutton for talking about or remembering your pain. It is what makes us human. It may take months, weeks, even years, to try to be able to get back to where you once where. But you should never feel guilty, ever. 

When I was little, ..

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I would sleep on the couch with my fluffy Lion King comforter if I didn't feel well. It put me in the center of the house, with the kitchen, bathroom, TV & Disney movie collection at my fingertips. It put me in the path of anyone walking through, in case I needed anything. It felt special.

These days, I sleep on the couch if I...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
rufi000000:
I'm great at falling asleep in places not meant for it, especially when sleeping isn't the appropriate thing to be doing. Put me in a bed when I need to sleep though, and I'll probably fall asleep hours later, if at all. Terrible how that works, eh? I think sleep has to be spontaneous for me. I'll fall asleep on a couch with a movie playing no problem. However, if you take that same scenario and I decide I need to migrate to a bed, it won't work. I also seem to usually have those same kind of dreams. Dreams that are so stressful that you awaken not feeling like you got any rest at all. I guess feeling somehow incomplete or just uncomfortable with your current place in life is inescapable, even in dreams. 
woodsman29:
I have, from time to time, had these murder dreams.  I dream of killing people -- sometimes one, sometimes bunches -- and then I have to run.  In one such dream, O.J. Simpson was my driver trying to help me escape.  Whenever I have had these dreams, I have been going through a time of crisis or trouble and worrying that somebody was going to punish me for something.  Sometimes those situations have been my fault, and other times not but I have come to believe they are.  After my divorce I struggled with this even though I had left a very abusive spouse.  I hope the bad dreams stop, but honestly it could take a while.  Hang in there, sweetie.  Things will get better and you will be able to sleep in your own bed again.

A different kind of entitlement.

20

I keep noticing that people get too tied up in thinking that every change in policy [not just political but in general] is about them, personally, individually. It isn't. You were dealt some shitty hands, but not all of them; sometimes it's going to be for the good of the other guy. The one you can't relate to, whose shoes you haven...
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VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
billpowerssr:
So nice to see a young person who sees these things and gets involved, THANK YOU !!!
apexxas:
I really, really love this.  It is exactly how I feel and it frustrates me to no end when people disregard what others may needs and even what can bring themselves benefit in the long term just because they can't get past that it costs them more RIGHT NOW.  Entitlement is exactly the right word, and this kind is hard to fix.  Some will just never look beyond their own noses.

Notebook. 8/18.

8
In the middle of my bed. The Birdcage playing, a recently deceased Robin Williams screaming, emotionally, "You want me to be someone else?!"

Surrounded by books on top of my covers.

"Smile, You're Traveling."
"Motherless Daughters."
"The Last Night of the Earth Poems."

Tears start falling down my face before I know it's happening. It occurs to me that I grew up with...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
catdad:
You are an amazing writer. 
catdad:
And it makes me sad that your life experiences are what drives your writing.  But, at least you have the gift for expressing yourself and moving others.  It's a powerful gift.

Thursday

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My birthday is in 3 weeks.

I've made no plans, but at least remembered to call off of work for a couple of days. I want to go be around the swans.

I'm getting old.

My orchids have gone from 2 to 8, now, as of this morning! Clearly, they're taking well to the environment I've created and am creating. And...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
solitarius:
http://www.drakulastream.eu/baseball-live-streaming-video.html,  http://www.wiziwig.tv/competition.php?part=sports&discipline=baseball,  http://www.strikeout.co/
lauretta:
Please, post some pics of your orchids - love those flowers! And I believe what you're saying about your next set: @albertine is one of the best on here and you... well, no words needed to describe you! All I can do is just look forward for that delice!
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