Last night, in my dream, I was driving down a winding, white stone road .. the kind from back home, that crackles under your tires and spits and spins the pebbles out everywhere. I was going probably about 40mph, but driving carelessly. My driver’s side tire caught the very edge of the road and tore me onto the grass. I tried to rip my steering...
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melted:
A dream with rich possibilities of interpretation.   Also, here I  complement you on your writing.  This dream is on the paper.
carnivall:
This might be the only time I didn't mind hearing about someone else's dream.

I am shamefully aware.

Every time I post about my mother, about grief, about death, I am shamefully aware of how many months it's been since she passed, and that I don't know anyone else who acts this way.

I feel, each time, similar to the fat kid who cannot keep from returning to the fridge for more helpings after a meal, when
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VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
leftyanasazi:
Sorry, for some reason, every time I try to skip a line, it posts what i have written. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you the feelings you described, I've felt them too, many a time, I am quite expert at bringing out a false sense of responsibility for the tragedies that have befallen others. The best advice for someone like me is probably something like that old joke "get off the cross, we need the wood." Not that there is no place for grief, and as a human being, a REAL human being with feelings, you should feel things like sadness and loss, but not be consumed by them. People like us have the opportunity, as unfortunate as it may be, to be a source of strength to people who have not suffered what we have. When my mother died, my parents had been divorced for 18 years, and not amicably. They didn't care for one another much. But when he told me the new,s, that was the first time I saw my father cry. And I realized because he was a (then) 50 something year old man who had never had anyone that close to him die. Whereas, for me, it was hardly my first experience of the type. I may be rambling a bit here. Let me say, first: If you ever want to talk about your experience, your feelings, etc. I would be honored to hear you out. Two: Don't beat yourself up for feeling feelings that you believe should be resolved. You don't get to choose when you achieve closure. Some people never do. Maybe it just gets easier. But you may never feel completely healed. I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries by talking so frankly to you about this. I just related to what you had to say, and the feelings that they prompted you to write about. Please if you have anything you'd like to say in return, I'd love to hear from you. I can see a great deal of beauty and sensitivity in your face, and I hope you are able to allow yourself moments of true peace and happiness. I will be hoping go hear back from you too, at some point. I noticed some of your posts in the group about Depression, and I feel like we may have some things in common that might benefit one another and help not to fee so alone in this world. In the meantime, I wish you the best, lovely. Take care of yourself. Exes and Ohs. - Zak                        
theechomaker:
I still haven't gotten over my twin's brush with death four years ago. When I think about it, which is often and distressingly morbid, I feel myself well up, my airways constricting, my chest tightening -- as if the mercy of his living didn't really happen. For three weeks he was in a coma, an almost-certain scratch from this world. And for those three weeks, my world ended; it was like a loud ringing in the ear, diluting or eliminating all other senses, honing in on a tunnel-like sensation. This is what almost losing my other half, as I call him, did to me. Four years later, to even remember is like certain death all over again. I can't even quantify what losing him would do to me, but I assure you, my grief would probably look a lot like yours. And I would feel marooned in my grief, the never-ending shower of that sadness. I say this not to relate, because that's as close as I've come, but to at least empathize, and, on some intellectual level, understand.
59

I would sleep on the couch with my fluffy Lion King comforter if I didn't feel well. It put me in the center of the house, with the kitchen, bathroom, TV & Disney movie collection at my fingertips. It put me in the path of anyone walking through, in case I needed anything. It felt special.

These days, I sleep on the couch if I...
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rufi000000:
I'm great at falling asleep in places not meant for it, especially when sleeping isn't the appropriate thing to be doing. Put me in a bed when I need to sleep though, and I'll probably fall asleep hours later, if at all. Terrible how that works, eh? I think sleep has to be spontaneous for me. I'll fall asleep on a couch with a movie playing no problem. However, if you take that same scenario and I decide I need to migrate to a bed, it won't work. I also seem to usually have those same kind of dreams. Dreams that are so stressful that you awaken not feeling like you got any rest at all. I guess feeling somehow incomplete or just uncomfortable with your current place in life is inescapable, even in dreams. 
woodsman29:
I have, from time to time, had these murder dreams.  I dream of killing people -- sometimes one, sometimes bunches -- and then I have to run.  In one such dream, O.J. Simpson was my driver trying to help me escape.  Whenever I have had these dreams, I have been going through a time of crisis or trouble and worrying that somebody was going to punish me for something.  Sometimes those situations have been my fault, and other times not but I have come to believe they are.  After my divorce I struggled with this even though I had left a very abusive spouse.  I hope the bad dreams stop, but honestly it could take a while.  Hang in there, sweetie.  Things will get better and you will be able to sleep in your own bed again.
20

I keep noticing that people get too tied up in thinking that every change in policy [not just political but in general] is about them, personally, individually. It isn't. You were dealt some shitty hands, but not all of them; sometimes it's going to be for the good of the other guy. The one you can't relate to, whose shoes you haven...
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billpowerssr:
So nice to see a young person who sees these things and gets involved, THANK YOU !!!
apexxas:
I really, really love this.  It is exactly how I feel and it frustrates me to no end when people disregard what others may needs and even what can bring themselves benefit in the long term just because they can't get past that it costs them more RIGHT NOW.  Entitlement is exactly the right word, and this kind is hard to fix.  Some will just never look beyond their own noses.
8
In the middle of my bed. The Birdcage playing, a recently deceased Robin Williams screaming, emotionally, "You want me to be someone else?!"

Surrounded by books on top of my covers.

"Smile, You're Traveling."
"Motherless Daughters."
"The Last Night of the Earth Poems."

Tears start falling down my face before I know it's happening. It occurs to me that I grew up with...
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catdad:
You are an amazing writer. 
catdad:
And it makes me sad that your life experiences are what drives your writing.  But, at least you have the gift for expressing yourself and moving others.  It's a powerful gift.
38

My birthday is in 3 weeks.

I've made no plans, but at least remembered to call off of work for a couple of days. I want to go be around the swans.

I'm getting old.

My orchids have gone from 2 to 8, now, as of this morning! Clearly, they're taking well to the environment I've created and am creating. And...
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solitarius:
http://www.drakulastream.eu/baseball-live-streaming-video.html,  http://www.wiziwig.tv/competition.php?part=sports&discipline=baseball,  http://www.strikeout.co/
lauretta:
Please, post some pics of your orchids - love those flowers! And I believe what you're saying about your next set: @albertine is one of the best on here and you... well, no words needed to describe you! All I can do is just look forward for that delice!
23

Just one paragraph from a 15-page letter I sent my boyfriend, explaining a lot of .. things about me. But, .. I thought some moms deserved to hear something like this, since the whole point is that most never do.



"Another thing that resulted from all of this was being just COMPLETELY stricken by normal amounts of kindness, interest, nurturing. Mothers are my favorite people, and they...
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screwedup:
Moms. As a man who lost my mom at 12 years old , your description rings of truth, reality and more than a little fantasy.  Here's another vote for your novel or autobiography. 
mixedload69:
That was a beautiful excerpt.
54

My new set shot by @azera, "IBTC," comes out at noon TODAY. :] Here are some sundies from it. xoxo.



And don't forget about my set Well Behaved shot by my love @waikiki, still killing it in MR.



xoxo.


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plush0:
Очень красиво, супер!
pascipio:
Brilliant set.  You are beautiful!