Asshole Fuckface Day is upon us again, like a horny mutt banging away on our legs. It never stops. It can’t. Because there will always be Asshole Fuckfaces crawling about the Earth, leaving their slimy trails of filth. This week was especially craven and the choices were plentiful. Yet, doing my duty as appointed by God, I chose wisely and cautiously. Asshole Fuckface picking is not something one does on a whim. There is an extensive background check and several criteria must be met. It is now time for you to behold the worst of the worst, the vilest humans on Earth. So, put on your full body armor because this is going to be ugly.

We start with some wonderful New Orleans Asshole Fuckfacery.

You can always count on a politician from New Orleans to be doing something horrible at any given moment. This week, State Senator Derrick Shepherd stepped up. Apparently Sam’s sister and mommy were threatened by his ex-girlfriend and he did not know that police existed, so he took matters into his own hands.

“Lady puncher” is not going to look good on the next campaign poster.

She finally got crazy Sam to leave, after he locked her outside and she called 911.

Being a State Senator, you wouldn’t want to pass up a chance to steal and entire 100 clams. I mean, what could go wrong? Notice that the above paragraph says that Shepherd was arrested. Holy shit was he arrested.

Best State Senator, ever. And one hell of an Asshole Fuckface.

Next up, some country singer Asshole Fuckfacery.

Genius Toby Keith, who is in the Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame for writing The Taliban Song, was on the Glenn Beck radio show this week. Now, ordinarily I would expect some sort of wormhole to open up when two of the dumbest people on Earth come together, but for some reason that did not happen. What did occur was one of the dumbest, most racist, ignorant statements that have been uttered during this presidential campaign.

Indeed. Obama’s not slapping bitches or flashing his bling. Also, I don’t know if you have noticed but Obama does not have a single gold tooth - and he doesn't hold weekly dog fights in his backyard. How are black people supposed to relate?

Next up, what happens when you do something horribly wrong? In Asshole Fuckface Land, you get a medal.

In December, a Minneapolis SWAT team entered the house of a law abiding citizen and had a bit of a shoot out.

Hmm. Well, obviously somebody fucked up. The Minneapolis department acknowledged the raid was a mistake and apologized. But that has not helped the family.

Well, what to do? How about some fucking medals, bitch?

Congrats on fucking up, and getting into a shoot out with an innocent man that could have led to the death of both police officers and children. Seriously, thanks for not killing innocent children. You get an Asshole Fuckface award. Maybe next year you can shoot up an old folks home.

Finally, some rich Saudi Arabian Asshole Fuckfacery.

A Sheik in Saudi Arabia had quite a dilemma on his hands this week. He owns and Lamborghini, but he needed an oil change by an approved dealer. If you’re an Asshole Fuckface, the choice is simple.

That’s some serious Asshole Fuckfacery, there.

Hey, there’s a thought! Man, I can't wait for that country's time to end.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a FearTheReaper video game. Please enjoy more of FearTheReaper's nonsense on his blog, Stop All Monsters.