I can't imagine a parody of an out-of-touch, overly paranoid headline would look any more ridiculous than this actual headline. With quotes from actual people.

Really? "Sick" in all caps, was that necessary? And you, a shitty tabloid, are taking credit for the removal of the application, as if you won some epic moral war? There's got to be a better problem for you to address, right? Since you wield such impressively righteous power.

Like, maybe tackling this knife-crime epidemic? In my opinion -- and really, I'm just some idiot, what do I know -- if given the choice between stopping a fake knife battle hurting no one, and an actual knife battle in which people are killed, I'd opt for the latter. You know, the real one. The same way stopping an actual war probably outranks stopping kids playing war.

Here's a slightly more complicated variation for you to test your reactions on. Are you ready, The Sun? Okay.

You stumble across two kids playing cops and robbers, across the street from an actual robber, who is robbing.

Do you:

A) Arrest the kid pretending to be a robber, for glorifying such a hideous and corrupt occupation?

B) Arrest the kid pretending to be a robber for the above reasons, while also giving a medal to the cop for exhibiting imaginary bravery in the face of a pretend crime.

C) Ignore the kids and focus on the actual problem, that being the robber and your continued existence.

The answer is what the fuck.

Thank God! Had they left the application up kids everywhere would have continued to use it for the next few days before quickly becoming bored with it and moving on to the "Friends For Sale" application (Good Lord! Our children are engaging in human slavery!!), before dumping that for the Mob Wars application (the mob kills!) and eventually an invitation inviting them to take the "Which Gossip Girl Character Are You?" quiz (Outrageous! I'm clearly Blair Waldorf!)

This man clearly has my sympathies, as do the millions of relatives of murder victims who are forced to confront images of murder on TV, film and the news on a daily basis. But he's angry at the wrong people.

The application may be in poor taste but it's certainly no worse than your average video game. And saying that it somehow targets real life thugs seems like a tremendous leap. I can't see someone actually involved in the stabbing of people having much use for a Facebook app doing the same thing. The same way I doubt many Knights use the Knights app.

Again, I think the better route would be to actually get tough on knife crime.

A chilling message? I defy anyone to show me the individual who was "chilled" upon receiving that message. I think they're overestimating the powers of Facebook. Nothing on Facebook -- short of finding a drunken 3 AM message to an ex in your outbox -- is capable of chilling anyone. Um, or so I hear.

You needed the fucking Scotland Yard to tell you that? Fantastic. Now that he's weighed in on that maybe he can go stop some actual knife violence. Or do you want to ask him if they plan on holding Alan Rickman for questioning due to his actions in the movie Diehard?

Oh no, like shanking! Wait, this one is for Kisses! Yay. Oh no, a Slap one. Ouch! Wink? Creepy! Oh cool, a hug one! Oh man, I sure hope people only do the good ones!

Horrify?

"Dad, wait, I can explain!"

"How are you gonna explain THIS?"

"Well, I didn't actually shank anyone, it's a computer thing, it just sends them a message."

"Oh. Ok... A chilling message?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'm going back to sleep, just stay out of my shit, Gary."




TheCoolerKing mourns the death of Scrabulous