hope you feel better, your thing about shitty yourself reminded of a guy i saw when i was in bootcamp, the shitters didnt have stalls so you can see all and this guy was sick as a mother fucker. he was shitting the worst sounding shit i have ever heard then he just stands up turns around and pukes his guts out in the toilet for like 2 minutes then turns back around and sits and continues his shit. felt bad for the guy but it was kinda funny.
And thank you so much! I have a feeling things will work out just fine.