I tend to... think... poetic - which I usually term as "thinking sideways"
aye, I write poetica, but it's not that I consider myself a 'Poet' ( particularly with a capital P ), but rather that, as stated above, I tend to think poetic
I honestly don't know where the poetica comes from as once I have it written, it's lost, gone, unremembered...
as if it never was truly mine and I but an... outlet... for those words which can be so mentally gripsome
and, yes, I most assuredly do mean 'gripsome' - until I was able to gain some measure of control, when the words came they would nigh cripple me until I was able to get them writ
which - obviously - caused some measure of issue with work and in rarer cases schoolage...
I kept - and still tend to keep - paper and pen on me for this very reason, to keep the poetica in check and get it out
nowadays when the words come and I haven't the time, it burns like an unreachable itch 'til it finally fades... and, as if it were written, it's gone, gone, gone...
for good or for bad, as - who knows - maybe there has been some decent poetica that never made it out
'course, that's a judgement call and I've always leaned towards an inherent dislike of my works which others, as I've promised to and those I haven't, have liked muchso
but what of that which truly isn't, that even a faker could make of himself reknown
as with poetica - and a many other thing - I simply do not believe myself to be skilled...
simply, if I, of all people, can do it, I gaurantee that someone else can, too - and likely better
I am not skilled - or, perhaps better stated ( and stated many a time before ), I'm below-average at a very many things
I've known people to 'talk me up' to others, but I've no question that it's an attempt at upping my ego, unsuccessfully
no, I'm not saying everyone can do everything I can do, but they can do many of them... and quite well, I'm certain...
IF they'd actually TRY... and this is where their only failings occur at - this lack of even trying !
I do have pride, but only of a few things... namely :
1) my Willpower - I know I wouldn't be here physically if not for my Willpower, my utterly Refusal to give in, to give up, let alone give out ( no matter how badly my body would like to try, at times )
I can - and will - push myself as far as I am able... to survive and to get those things done I know I can physically do
2) the AK/GOT (OOP) aspect of myself - assuming, of course, that I even am physically still capable
( after all, it's now been a decade since I've even kissed anyone let alone anything more... and I was younger and had teeth still then )
though, admittedly, it's only been 4 people who've... tasted... that skill of which I speak
though, admittedly, 3 of the 4 lasted no more than 40days ( and with others 'tween :( )
it was still a skill I could pride myself in, even if other physicalities were lacking
( presumed, as none outright complained - at least, to me - but 'twas only the AKs which all 4 applauded, desired, & asked for )
otherwise, I am but vaguely experienced in much and learned as well - but to no level moreso than below-average, at best
hells, intelluctually I graduated without effort and without caring at a C level...
likely if I had tried I could've considered myself smart, but I simply... didn't...
I even attempted college - twice - and failed each time, albiet for different reasons each
I am assuredly not physically skilled ( beyond that of the aforementioned definitely not-work-related nor -adaptable )
I'm an odd sort of clutzy where I'm very aware of my surroundings yet have a tendency to impact them nonetheless
I couldn't lift weights if I wanted to and have little-to-no upper body strength ( tried once - and discovered it so effects my already damaged heart that I end up sick for several days after a couple hours of weight-lifting *sighs* )
* though, yes, I am physically capable of lifting more than people assume I can due to my stature/presumed frailness
I can't run - for the same heart-damage reason... I wouldn't make it down the apartment hallway and would, quite literally, be on my knees clutching my chest ( yes, it's happened - and was sick for nigh a week after each attempt )
the off-and-on numbness of (often) my legs and (less often) my arms/hands doesn't help much in that regard either - my body, thankfully, adapts quickly and I don't even notice when I'm dragging a leg behind or 'drooping' a numbed arm
the semi-recent shakiness of my hands doesn't help much as well - particulary with my love of photography, effectively blurring many a photo taken *shrugs* oh well...
my learned skills - job-learned and otherwise - are, as mentioned, things others could assuredly do if they tried and were trained... and actually gave two shits and a hand grenade
yes, caring to do the work is kind of a necessity - hate to disappoint those who just do and don't care, but the difference is noticable
aye, my career path and shifted many, many times - even within an industry - but the skills are easily learned and adaptable
which, yes, I suppose one could consider my being both laid-back and adapting easily to be positive aspects...
but they could be hindrance, too, in particular situations ( and, in fact, have been in my weird, wild, what-the lifespan thus far )
I'd actually been told that I was "too laid-back" as well as "too-adaptable" - though neither in the same instance ( ...yet ?!? )
ANYways... I could probably ramble on all eve, but I don't want to bore the 7 hells out you, my Lovelies and Gentlefolk
presuming you even made it this far into my mental inanity ;)
Enjoy the 7 hells out of your weekend - and keep Living Life !
twittage ::
10/15 : [from this am:] "...I mean, you're NOT pretty and kind of an old dad, no offense"
none taken, it's partially your fault
"you're still MY daddy ...with a belly"
love you, too
10/15 II : 'how conservative/liberal' tests always amuse me - depending on the questions they ask, I'm "extremely liberal" or "extremely conservative"
10/17 : leather vest or leather jacket morning *ponders* - it's cold(er) but not quite pain-weather cold this mornin' - hard decisions!
10/20 : ...and so we've reached the last likely day of vest-acceptable weather for the foreseeable future *sighs* - at least it's past mid-October!
10/20 II : only caught the latter half of the commercial, so didn't catch the product, but since it advertised "Obama approved," I probably DON'T want
This Week's Random Playlist (albums) ::
Paint Your Wagon [Soundtrack]
Digital Daggers - Mixed Emotions
watched recently :
via rental/streaming:
Dark Matter (3rd Season)
The Orville (1st Season)
Inhumans (1st Season)
The Gifted (1st Season)
Lucifer (3rd Season)
Supergirl (3rd Season)
The Flash (4th Season)
ownedflix:
The Secret Life Of Pets
The Ray Bradbury Theater (TV)
Disney's Freaky Friday (Remake)
Disney's Herbie: Fully Loaded
Masters Of Horror (1st Season)
Mad Max: Fury Road
John Carpenter's Escape From L.A.
Spider-Man: Homecoming
-thom Wolfox sR Rhose, AK/GOT (OOP)
unusualist - I have yet to find a religion and/or spirituality that fits my own personal beliefs... other than, of course, the fact I am a (fallen) god.