Welp, there's another relationship down the drain. Ah well. I gave it a shot, things didn't work. Little depressing that nothing came of it, but nothing to do but keep going.
Funny. I just got through telling my friend the same thing two weekends ago, when his last play for the girl he thought was the one fell flat on its face. It hurts like nothing else to lose like that, I know, but there's really nothing you can do but pick up the pieces, put them in a box and move on to the next day. And then the next and the next. He managed to spin it around right quick and he's seeing potential in every corner. I guess I'm just a pessimist. I don't see a lot happening around me. I've got my friends, to be sure, but I'm hitting that age where everyone is coupling up, in cases for good. I've got a handful of friends in committed relationships, a handful of friends who are engaged, and a few who are married. Seeing my friends usually means seeing them in couples. It's almost always a reminder of the fact I'm still alone.
That... bugs me. For stupid reasons. It gets me thinking about the relationship I had. It wasn't perfect, but there were times where I wanted what we had forever. But there were problems enough that we split apart, in a bad, brutal, bloody way. Those problems would still be there. Are still there. The problems were and are us. So I try not to dwell on it. Easier said than done some days.
Work keeps me busy, but even then, I'm having trouble finding the point. I think, given that I've just had another relationship tank on me, it's time to start polishing up my resume and think seriously about where to go now. I'll keep my eyes open for jobs that won't bring me down every day.
I'd like to look for someone to be with, but I wonder if feeling that need for someone to complete me means I'm really not ready for that. I want it. But maybe I should feel a little happier with who I am, alone, first. I dunno, there really isn't a set of rules or anything. I feel at home with who I am but I sometimes just think it'd make me feel a little less shitty if I had someone I connected with again. Physically, emotionally, all that fun stuff.
I kind of want to lose myself in something again, like I did with books and writing when I was young, and games in university and beyond. That just still feels like I'd be letting down... myself? The memory of the girl I distanced myself from by doing the same before? Guess I don't know if I trust myself to be moderate with my silly vices. Maybe I should indulge in more "legitimate" vices like drinking, drugs, or gambling so I can feel justified in my guilt.
Or maybe I should just pick up the damn pieces and carry on to tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.
Funny. I just got through telling my friend the same thing two weekends ago, when his last play for the girl he thought was the one fell flat on its face. It hurts like nothing else to lose like that, I know, but there's really nothing you can do but pick up the pieces, put them in a box and move on to the next day. And then the next and the next. He managed to spin it around right quick and he's seeing potential in every corner. I guess I'm just a pessimist. I don't see a lot happening around me. I've got my friends, to be sure, but I'm hitting that age where everyone is coupling up, in cases for good. I've got a handful of friends in committed relationships, a handful of friends who are engaged, and a few who are married. Seeing my friends usually means seeing them in couples. It's almost always a reminder of the fact I'm still alone.
That... bugs me. For stupid reasons. It gets me thinking about the relationship I had. It wasn't perfect, but there were times where I wanted what we had forever. But there were problems enough that we split apart, in a bad, brutal, bloody way. Those problems would still be there. Are still there. The problems were and are us. So I try not to dwell on it. Easier said than done some days.
Work keeps me busy, but even then, I'm having trouble finding the point. I think, given that I've just had another relationship tank on me, it's time to start polishing up my resume and think seriously about where to go now. I'll keep my eyes open for jobs that won't bring me down every day.
I'd like to look for someone to be with, but I wonder if feeling that need for someone to complete me means I'm really not ready for that. I want it. But maybe I should feel a little happier with who I am, alone, first. I dunno, there really isn't a set of rules or anything. I feel at home with who I am but I sometimes just think it'd make me feel a little less shitty if I had someone I connected with again. Physically, emotionally, all that fun stuff.
I kind of want to lose myself in something again, like I did with books and writing when I was young, and games in university and beyond. That just still feels like I'd be letting down... myself? The memory of the girl I distanced myself from by doing the same before? Guess I don't know if I trust myself to be moderate with my silly vices. Maybe I should indulge in more "legitimate" vices like drinking, drugs, or gambling so I can feel justified in my guilt.
Or maybe I should just pick up the damn pieces and carry on to tomorrow. And the day after. And so on.